Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine NK LCM February 2018 Anniversary Issue | Page 47

“I found love. When I looked into your eyes, there it was…”
-- Phyllis Hyman
he went out and impregnated another woman.
Of course, I was not to blame, but back then, my
state of mind wouldn’t allow me to see things
clearly.
this man.
I came in from work, exhausted. My husband
was sitting on the sofa with a small bundle in his
arms. After putting my bags down, I sat on the
couch next to him. My husband was ecstatic to
show off his first child, a son. On the other hand,
I was staggered because I hadn’t been informed
about the child coming this particular day, and
had no preparation time to gather myself, my
thoughts or anything. Through the resulting chaos, I found myself
caring for this child as if he were my own. When I
viewed the award-winning movie Fences with by
Denzel Washington and Viola Davis, it touched a
chord with me as the elements were so simliar
to my life. My approach to this outside child was
that I no longer viewed him as the wrong that my
husband did. My daughters and I bonded with
the baby because we accepted him as a part of
our family. Nothing that had happened was his
fault anyway. We formed a close relationship
from infancy into grade school.
He plopped the ultimate betrayal in my lap
without warning. I breathed in deeply and
exhaled slowly as he pushed apart the blanket
covering the infant so that I could see his face.
The baby squirmed and whimpered. The mother
in me kicked in. I stood, and rock him gently as
I walked around our small apartment. I looked
down into the cute face of a baby boy whose
eyes were fixed on me. He quieted. That was how
our love started. Eventually, the marriage dissolved which was
the best thing that could happen for my life.
My relationship with my stepson became a bit
distant for a time as I was working on myself.
But he loved me and he always knew I loved
him. Now, at twenty-four, he has grown into a
man who makes me extremely proud. When
he says he loves me, I know it’s genuine and
coming straight from his heart. We will always
be connected by love.
My daughters were teenagers, and trust me,
they were angry that I was putting up with this
mess, but the girls couldn’t speak on it. They
were old enough to understand the dynamics
swirling around them. They had witnessed
the deterioration of the marital relationship
although I thought I was hiding it from them. But
what they didn’t know was that I was broken on
so many levels. They didn’t know of any of the
trauma that I’d been through before I even met As Whitney Houston’s song says, I didn’t know
my own strength. I don’t regret one day of loving
my stepson. He definitely came into my life at
the most inopportune time. Some people will
never understand why I stayed in the marriage
and helped to raise a child that was conceived as
a result of my husband’s infidelity. I’m a witness
that only God can give one the ability to love
through the pain.
Christine Pauls a native of Wilmington, Delaware is the author of To Begin Again,
Belinda’s Song and One Good Thing, her newest release. She penned her first novel in
2012. The mother of two and grandmother of three is an accountant by day in the
banking industry.
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