I had kept that secret of what my uncle had done to me way past the time I was a grown ass woman .
unexpectantly into his life when she was 18 months old — would carry more weight . I did not want to lose my brother .
Same way I didn ’ t want to lose my “ other mother ” when I returned home from my father ’ s house and he had done all manner of wickedness to me . Then , keeping the secret was because I needed her more than the government needed to put her in prison for killing him . And she would ’ ve killed him , too . Make no bones about it . And wouldn ’ t feel an ounce of remorse as she served her time . My brother was a different story . He ’ d worked side by side with the man , day in and day out . There was a greater possibility that he would not believe me . The fear of rejection far outweighed the need to unburden this truth .
Until a few days before Christmas .
By not attending the funeral , I ’ ve been seen as cold and uncaring . Not so . How can I pay any “ last respects ” to a man who never had respect for me and my need to have a safe place away from the abuse I was already suffering at home ? No , I ’ m not that woman . I couldn ’ t pretend . Nothing makes a statement like absence . And my absence at that man ’ s funeral was duly noted . And here ’ s the thing--no one , not my aunt , his daughter , his son , other relatives-- no one called to ask why . They didn ’ t want to know , and I truly believe it ’ s because in the small shadows of their minds--they KNEW . analyzing . “ There was a time when he had to go to court because they said he did something to a fourteen-year-old ...” my brother admitted .
Evidently , that case wasn ’ t enough to deter my uncle from doing it again . But that means my aunt knew he had that issue with improperly touching , molesting , raping young girls . She KNEW , and yet she encouraged all of the nieces--HIS nieces , not hers , to come to the house and learn to cook , sew , keep house , and other things we weren ’ t learning at home . No , auntie , I see you . I understand you . You were providing your husband with ample opportunity to keep his prurient desires satisfied- -and your ability to remain simply a housewife , intact .
My brother has been calling a lot more often since that conversation . Just to “ check on me .” I know he feels something that he can ’ t express about what I shared with him , and I ’ m certain he ’ s now putting together other scenarios where he might have missed the signs .
So when people say “ Why did you wait so long to tell ?” I ’ ll say this , “ there ’ s a fear that we have a lot more to lose by unburdening our souls , than just keeping it inside and keeping the peace--and the relatives that we want to remain in our lives .” I ’ m glad , that with my brother , I was ... wrong . I did not lose my brother . I gained more strength .
When I let my brother know , not in any sordid detail , he went strangely still . Then quiet . He didn ’ t move for a long time . His facial expression was blank-- nothing registered , not anger , not shock , just blank . Then his eyes moved in that rapid succession that happens when someone is thinking , musing , or
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