My first Magazine St Joseph's Home_40th Anniversary magazine.compres | Page 21

When did you receive
the calling to serve in St.
Joseph’s Home?
I started in 1987. At first, I took
charge of catering because I love
to cook. However, the people
around were worried that cooking
was not enough for me and I
would be bored. At that point,
I didn’t have experience with
nursing homes yet. But slowly,
I got into bedside counselling
and helped out in physiotherapy.
When I finished my sabbatical
in Africa, I was transferred to
hospice care.
I remember I was called
from the kitchen to come to a
dying man that I (had) cared for.
He was heavily tattooed. In his
restlessness, he asked me in Malay
“Siapa itu 1 ?” However, there was no
one around. Later, I remembered
that my mother used to tell me
that a dying person can see dead
people. He died a few days later.
Day by day, I was more and
more involved with the dying. I
had many young patients as well.
There was this mother of 2 kids
who was dying. She wanted to
see her baby, so the husband
had to arrange to pick up their
baby from the babysitter. When
the baby touched the mother’s
face, the mother passed away
but nobody knew. Her 4 year-old
daughter was still holding her
hand and calling out “Mummy,
mummy”. Later, the husband was
so sad that he cried in the toilet.
So I told him, “Just cry. Later, you
won’t be allowed to cry. It’s ok
to cry. It takes strength to cry.
We must be very sensitive when
doing hospice care. We have to
befriend the patient’s family and
also help the patients to finish
their unfinished business.
1 In Bahasa Melayu. “Who is this?”
People often like to ask me, “Sister,
how can you manage being with the
dying? Death is so depressing.” But
I say, “No lah!...It is my privilege to
be with the patients till their last
breath.”
I realised this when I was
taking care of a dying man
who needed assurance of
forgiveness. I noticed that this
dying man’s wife also seem very
aloof. Then one day, I heard the
wife said, “You can go. I forgive
you. You have permission.”
From then, I realised that there
was hurt between the couple
because there was a third party
involved.
So you believe that the
dying can choose when
they want to die?
To an extent, yes. There was this
incident when a man who was
always pretending to be asleep
when I come to see him. So I
would deliberately say out loud
that I would visit him another
time. One day, I caught him
awake and he had no choice but
to talk to me. After a few days, he
said that he had a favour to ask
of me. He said that he didn’t want
his family to be around when he
dies because he didn’t want them
to feel upset. I promised him that
I would carry out this favour.
But when his family gathered
to see him on his dying moment, I
did not have the heart to tell them
to leave. His family was very close.
His sister came all the way down
from Malaysia. Even his daughter-
in-law, who was pregnant, came
to visit him. So I let his family stay.
However, I saw him sigh. So
I knew that I must carry out the
promise and tell them to go
home. I told them that he didn’t
want them to see him die and
feel sad. I also told them that he
would die soon after they leave.
True enough, the man died about
20 minutes after they left. I called
to inform them. By then, they
had not even reached home yet.
When the man died, his face was
purplish. He must have been
holding it in for 2 days until his
family went home.
Sometimes, the patients feel
angry. They believe that they
have done many good
things and don’t deserve to suffer.
So I tell them that suffering is a
good thing that you and I can’t
understand. There is a value to
it. If not, why would Jesus come
down to suffer so much?
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