My first Magazine St Joseph's Home_40th Anniversary magazine.compres | Page 19

Silence is
golden
7 things not to say
to the grieving
Don’t Say
Please let me
know if there’s anything I can do for
you.
Say
You have 2 young kids,
and you’ll need dinner when you
all get home. I’ll cook extra every
weekday night next week and drop
them off for you all so don’t worry
about getting it.
Why? Don’t put the onus on the
grieving to reach out to you for help.
Just get them what they need.
Don’t Say
Don’t Say
Be strong //
Keep yourself busy to avoid thinking
and crying // Crying won’t help
out.
I know how
you feel
Say
that they can always find a new
partner will just make things worse.
Reminding them that they still have
a son although they’ve just lost their
daughter is just as bad. One cannot
possibly replace the other. It is better
to let them talk about their loved one
who has died.
I can only imagine how
you feel
Why?
Your own loved one may
have passed on so you feel like you
know what the other person is going
through. But you’re not her/him and
have not had the exact experiences
in life so there’s no way you can know
how she/he feels.
Say
It’s ok to cry and let it all
Why?
Telling them to be strong
bypasses the grieving phase that is
necessary for them to really move on
in life. It rushes them to fit society’s
preference for strong characters
than crybabies rather than address
their immediate need - which is
reassurance that it is ok to cry and let
it all out.
Don’t Say
You need to
move on
Don’t Say They’re in a
better place
The year is 1985 and St Joseph’s
Home is about to receive its first
hospice resident.The Sisters
quickly made preparations -
clearing the rooms, dusting the
beds, filling the water jugs. As it
turns o