The birth
At around 35 weeks I started getting REALLY sick. And for the next two weeks I was just in and out of hospital about twice a week. Then at 37 weeks my OB gave me a choice.
“You’re either going to have to go back into hospital and stay there because you’re so dehydrated, or we can give you the c-section in a couple of days. The baby’s big enough and healthy enough. We can do it if you want,” he said. I couldn’t have been happier.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “As soon as you have this baby you’re going to feel a lot better.”
Mentally, I was feeling better already. I thought I’d be more nervous, but I actually felt really calm. I felt I had made this choice, I knew I was going in at a certain time, at a certain day. It all sounded so organised to me. That certainty was very grounding. I was ready. And I was SO excited. So excited to not be sick. So excited to meet my baby. I wasn’t going to feel this way anymore and I was going to have my baby.
The operation
As soon as my OB came in I felt this sense of calm come over me and I knew that he understood me. I knew I’d made the right decision right then. I knew that with someone else, in another situation, there was no way I would have been able to feel that calm.
The epidural set in and I turned to my husband, holding my hand beside me. “Oh my god, it’s happening. We’re about to have a baby.” And there was so much emotion, but for once in my life I didn’t feel overwhelmed by it. There was no panic, it was pure joy.
Soon after I heard her cry. She was here, she was safe and all of a sudden a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. My baby was held up
for me and man, nothing will top that moment of seeing your baby for the first time, nothing.
She was OK. And turned out my doctor was right about the sickness - she was fine. And she was SO CHUBBY!
“I told you she was OK,” by OB said. “She was just sucking it out of you. You were the sick one and she was the good one.”
After
My baby girl latched on straight away and breast fed like a champion. And when my nausea subsided a day later, I ate more than I think I’ve eaten in my life - I’ve never loved food so much!
I’m so much a better person now my little girl is in my life. She has changed how I feel about myself, she makes me be a better person.
The person I am now, I know is the person I was always meant to be.
Thank you so much Britt for this insight into you and your birth story and for sharing your message with Mummas out there. Your birth, your way! And sometimes it doesn’t go to plan but hey so long as mum and bub are healthy that is all that should matters.
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