Final Fling
BY M A R K S M O OT H Y
Mark ‘Sharky’ Smoothy is a triathlon icon, having raced, written and organised events for
decades. He’s also been the driving force behind ‘Smiling for Smiddy’. But life has thrown
him another, albeit desired, curveball; a beautiful wife and young child! So what do you
do when it dawns on you that continuing a life that allowed you to chase the endless
summer of triathlon may no longer be possible? You go out with a bang! Here’s Mark’s
account of his ‘final fling’ at long course racing; three epic events across three countries,
in three consecutive weekends.
T
hirty three years in this delightful sport of ours lead me to tackle, what possibly was - actually it definitely was - my hardest, yet
surely dumbest triathlon challenge ever! Why would anyone subject themselves to two extreme iron-distance events across two
countries, Scotland and Switzerland in seven days, then finish with a warm down event over the iron-distance event of Challenge
Roth in Germany just seven days later?
Okay the short answer is this: I met a girl at 50 years of age, got married at 52, and had a baby girl at 54, so it’s time to be the best dad I
can possibly be. But go out on a high. Take on above stupid idea! Boom!
JUNE 16
CELTMAN EXTREME IRON DISTANCE
TRIATHLON IN SCOTLAND
3.4KM SWIM / 200KM BIKE /42.2KM RUN
Celtman Extreme Scottish Triathlon was held in Northern Scotland
in the idyllic seaside and mountainous town of Torridon. I arrived
the day before race day for the compulsory briefing, extremely jet
lagged from the thirty plus hours of travel required to get from
Australia to Scotland and overjoyed to hear the organisers predict
good conditions for race day but with a few isolated showers.
Well let me begin this race report by saying just this; if thirteen
plus hours of rain, a water temperature of ten degrees, persistent
headwinds and an average air temperature of ten degrees that I
endured throughout my near on eighteen hour effort is ‘isolated
showers’, then I would hate to see what a bad day of rain in
Scotland brings!
A DAY OF BEING WET AND COLD
To be brutally honest, Celtman 2018, was without doubt, the
hardest but most rewarding event I have ever completed in my
entire life. The water in the swim, coupled with the constant rain
and wind on the bike, had numbed my hands so severely, that for
the remaining one hundred kilometres, each time I needed to eat,
I had to stop so that my compulsory support person in Russell
O’Malley could feed me!
But by far, the marathon was worse. From the stress of just
making the cutoff time at the eighteen kilometre point by a mere
ten minutes, to then being so cold as the run traversed up and
over mountainous rocky, ankle-spraining terrain, where the rain
began anew in earnest; rendering me a shivering mess that no
amount of compulsory survival gear would help abate.
Not content with the conditions making things difficult, the
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‘local’ fauna added to the challenge; blood sucking midgies! They
attacked anything that resembled skin. For two weeks after the
race I scratched each bite a million times, often waking myself
up scratching and swearing out loud that all midgies should be
ordered to leave Scotland immediately and move to the North
Pole! Why the North Pole? Because I never intend to visit there!
Throughout the day I saw glimpses of the incredible natural
raw scenic beauty that this event is famous for. But unfortunately
the weather was so bad that it was often shrouded in thick moist
clouds or rolling dense mist. A bit like how my mind felt at the
time. I would love to have done this event on a spectacular
clear day...
CELTMAN SHOULD
BE RENAMED
WETMAN!