H
e opens the gate around his
house and shows us where to park. He then
welcomes us inside. His wife and children are
not at home yet, but he will pick them up later.
Peter and I are taken to a room in the back.
While we take off our jackets, our host carries
in two mattresses, pillows and some thick
blankets. Billy and Ross can sleep in a cosy
room with couches and a big TV that shows
non-stop Hollywood movies. The remainder of
the day we hang out in their room with Fareed
and his cousin Nasir. Fareed hardly speaks any
English, but his cousin knows just enough
words to make conversation.
At some point Nasir hands me a packet of tea.
He tells me it is good tea and insists that I open
the package to smell it. After I have done so
and have confirmed that it smells nice, I hand
him back the package. But then he says: “Make
tea. You make tea.” Fareed overhears what
Nasir says and while he lies flat on his back still
looking at the TV he points to the kitchen: “Yes.
You make tea.” For a moment I am stunned by
their ’request’. It is clear that for Fareed and
Nasir it is very obvious that I, the only woman
in the house, make the tea. Once I have
recovered from this slight cultural shock, I get
up and go into the kitchen in search of a teapot
and some cups. Fareed comes in to help, but he
does not seem to know his way around the
kitchen. This is clearly not his domain. After a
bit I can see the fun of it all and eventually
enjoy a lovely cup of tea with the men.
A while later Nasir asks me to accompany him
to his house to meet his wife. As a western
woman, I find myself in a privileged position. I
can sit with the men, but I am also allowed to
meet the women. An entire world that is kept
from Peter, Billy and Ross. They never even
saw a glimpse of Youssef’s sisters. I follow
Nasir to his house and am introduced to his
lovely wife. She must be about my age and is
happy to show me their modest home. We take
a seat in the living room, where Nasir takes
some pictures of us. His wife then opens a big
cabinet and takes out the only box that is in it.
She gives it to me and says something in Arabic
to Nasir. He explains that it’s a good custom of
Libyans and Muslims to give a present to a
woman when she visits a home for the first
time. As it is my first time to their house, they
want to give me this present. When I open the
box there is a golden coloured watch in it, with
white stones on the strap. I do not know what
to say. I try to explain that it’s too big a gift, but
they insist that I keep it. Nasir’s wife looks me
in the eyes and says something in Arabic. Nasir
translates: “When you wear it in Holland, you
will think of us”. I cannot help to tear up. I
thank them extensively and then taken back to
Fareed’s house.
Later that evening Nasir enters the TV room
with two large trays with food his wife
prepared for us. After dinner Fareed takes Billy
and Ross to town to go to the supermarket and
to pick up his wife and children. Peter and I stay
in the house, watching some movies. After
some time Billy and Ross come back,
accompanied by Fareed’s brother. They are all
excited and tell us about the adventure they
had on the way. In Fareed’s new Toyota Hilux,
Fareed had placed his Kalashnikov in Ross’s lap
and asked him to hold on to it during the ride.
Apparently there are many violent carjackings
at night. The robbers especially aim for new
Toyota pickups. Because there is no police
service, it is every man for himself, so the
Kalashnikov is needed for their defence. Fareed
did not stop for any red light and drove straight
to a secured compound with a supermarket.
There, he changed his new Toyota Hilux with
the old beaten up car of his brother Rafiq in
which he would pick up his wife and children.
Billy and Ross were taken back home in the
new Toyota by Rafiq, again in one go at very
high speed with the gun ready on the
passenger seat. An adventurous ride to the
supermarket for Billy and Ross, but obviously a
very normal night for Fareed and Rafiq.
"Fareed had placed his
Kalashnikov in Ross’s lap
and asked him to hold on
to it during the ride."