Months To Years Summer 2018 MTY_Summer2018_v7 - Page 11

“ Here’s the rub: I probably could pay for that. Yet this But I am inevitably waylaid by the occasional sentiment, “She loved life.” What does that mean, exactly? Does it mean that she was angry about dying? That she fought against it, trying all remedies available? That she had a relentlessly cheerful personality? “ seems an irresistible existential decision point. If I don’t take the drug, it’s very likely my atherosclerosis will get worse. The plaque will grow and I could eventually drop dead from a heart attack or suffer a major stroke. If I really “loved life,” taking the medication would be a no- brainer, wouldn’t it? But I don’t, so it isn’t. I’m six months away from my 75 th  birthday. Enough of a life? I’m neither actively suicidal nor depressed. But maybe I’m done.  Many decades ago, comedian Jack Benny did a sketch on the radio where he was held up by a thief on the street. “Your money or your life,” the bad guy growled. The famously parsimonious Benny evoked laughter for many minutes as he remained silent. Then he replied, “I’m thinking, I’m thinking.”  Me, too, Jack. Me, too. Pam Munter has authored several books including When Teens Were Keen: Freddie Stewart and The Teen Agers of Monogram (Nicholas Lawrence Press, 2005) and Almost Famous: In and Out of Show Biz (Westgate Press, 1986) and has contributed to many others. She’s a retired clinical psychologist, former performer and film historian. Her essays and short stories have appeared in more than 70 publications. She has an MFA in Creative Writing and Writing for the Performing Arts and is a Pushcart Prize nominee. Her memoir, As Alone As I Want To Be will be published by Adelaide in October. Much of her work is available at 11