Months To Years Spring 2018 Months To Years Spring 2018 - Page 60

By Lynne Rothrock

Are You Happy ?

By Lynne Rothrock

A local high school student recently asked to interview me for a project . As expected , most of the questions were biographical and about my education and work experience . Near the end of the interview she said , “ I have just one more question . Are you happy ?”
I stopped short . This was not what I was expecting . Are you happy ??
How does one answer that question , at my age , in my current situation — or maybe ever , if I want to answer honestly ? We had only a minute or two to complete the interview , so I paused and then said something along the lines of , “ Um , I think so ? I mean . . . probably ?”
I was mentally cataloging the reasons why I should be happy : I am a person who has known from about age five what I was supposed to do with my life , which makes me luckier and happier than many . I have work about which I am passionate and that I believe matters . In many ways , I am wildly more successful in my work than I might have ever imagined when I was young . This work does not give me financial security , but my basic needs are met and — other than going out to eat more , being able to buy tickets to shows , and taking vacations once in a while — there isn ’ t a lot I wish I could do that I can ’ t . I have a wonderful mother , sister , and other close friends who are like family . And I have love — in my music , in my life — in my husband , Ron , the most soulful guitar player I ’ ve ever heard .
But how can I say , unequivocally , ” Yes , I am happy ” when my husband is fighting for his life ?
Two-and-a-half years ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the days since have been terrible in more ways than they have been wonderful or even okay . This experience of fighting and living with this disease has been awful , horrifying , scary , tragic , devastating — in ways the world never sees .
And we are not even into the very worst of it yet . It is hard . SO hard . Managing this while going about the business of life — including the work that I genuinely love — is treacherous . It is walking on a tightrope all the time , falling , and barely catching myself . It is overreacting to things , snapping at people , getting mad and offended at other
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Are You Happy? By Lynne Rothrock A local high school student recently asked to interview me other than going out to eat more, being able to buy tickets for a project. As expected, most of the questions were bi- to shows, and taking vacations once in a while—there ographical and about my education and work experience. isn’t a lot I wish I could do that I can’t. I have a wonderful Near the end of the interview she said, “I have just one mother, sister, and other close friends who are like family. more question. Are you happy?” And I have love—in my music, in my life—in my husband, I stopped short. This was not what I was expecting. Are you happy?? How does one answer that question, at my age, in my cur- Ron, the most soulful guitar player I’ve ever heard. But how can I say, unequivocally, ”Yes, I am happy” when my husband is fighting for his life? rent situation—or maybe ever, if I want to answer honestly? Two-and-a-half years ago he was diagnosed with pancre- We had only a minute or two to complete the interview, so atic cancer and the days since have been terrible in more I paused and then said something along the lines of, “Um, ways than they have been wonderful or even okay. This I think so? I mean . . . probably?” experience of fighting and living with this disease has been I was mentally cataloging the reasons why I should be happy: I am a person who has known from about age five awful, horrifying, scary, tragic, devastating—in ways the world never sees. what I was suppose ѼݥѠ䁱ݡ́ݔɔЁٕѼѡٕݽЁЁи%Ё́ɐ)Սȁȁѡ丁$ٔݽɬЁݡ$M<ɐ5ѡ́ݡЁѡͥ)ͥєѡЁ$ٔѕ̸%̰݅QՑѡݽɬѡЁ$ե䁱ٗQ́ɕ)$ݥ䁵ɔՍ͙հݽɬѡ$Ёٔɽ̸%Ё́݅ѥɽѡѥ)ٕȁݡ$݅́չQ́ݽɬ́Ёٔɕ䁍э͕%Ёٕ́ɕѥѼѡ̰)͕ɥ䰁Ё䁉ͥ́ɔЁP͹ЁѥЁѡ(