No Kids - continued from page 46
Well this time , people are wrong . When people say that because I don ’ t want children , I ’ ll never know true love , they ’ re wrong .
I know true love . When I found out about my infertility , I gave my husband an out . If he wanted children , I couldn ’ t give him that . And he told me he loved me and not my uterus . That ’ s what true love is to me . I also know true love because of my friends and family and because I have learned to love myself . I may not ever have the true love of a child calling me “ Mommy ” but I can have the true love of a child calling me “ Aunty .”
People said that because I don ’ t want children , I won ’ t be happy and will be missing something in my life . I ’ ll never find the fulfillment of taking care of someone and watching him or her grow up . Well , they are wrong .
Children aren ’ t the only things that can bring us happiness . In truth , sometimes children can even bring sadness . By never having children , I will never have to deal with the pain that comes with of seeing them get sick , or hurt , or worse . I will never have to hear heartbreaking words like , “ I hate you .”
Happiness comes in many forms . It comes in fulfillment through a career , through love , through creation and through experience . I will be able to find happiness through making a difference in the world and by experiencing the things I would never be able to do with children . I couldn ’ t backpack through Egypt and sleep under the Northern Lights with a newborn or a toddler . If I ever do feel the need to take care of and watch someone grow , I can always adopt a dog or an abandoned animal . Those beautiful creatures need someone to care and love for them too . Just because an animal isn ’ t a child , doesn ’ t mean they deserve any less love .
They said because I don ’ t want children I ’ m selfish . They are wrong .
In fact , now I think that if I were to have children , that would be selfish . Children can cost thousands of dollars in order to cover expenses like food , clothes , toys , education , trips , etc . In some cases , the extra costs can add up to resentments and forced love . And I would never want to feel resentment and frustration toward an innocent being that I created .
A child is a life-long commitment . What if I don ’ t want to spend my entire life trying to get them into the best schools , going to soccer practice and sitting in dance class ? What if I want to spend a year protecting trees in the Amazon or completely off the grid in the middle of nowhere ? My love for that child might not be enough to stop my dreams of running away . No child deserves to feel like a burden , and no child deserves to feel like they ruined their parents ’ life .
So why does not wanting children still make me a monster ? It may not have started out as an option because of my infertility , but it evolved into something more profound . It evolved into being my choice . Just because I am a woman does not mean I have to have children . Just because I don ’ t want children does not mean I hate them or that I am selfish .
The words “ I don ’ t want children ,” are not the secret password into the Monster Club .
Not wanting children simply means , I don ’ t want children .
111 Issue 20 | Missy Ink