Mission Beautiful Australia {MBA} Magazine MBA Issue 1 March. 2014 | Page 44

REAL LIFE

O

Suffered from an eating disorder and lost

A STORY OF SURVIVAL & LOVE

quite a bit of weight during the last years of
high school. I became withdrawn and was self

f Auburn, a rundown, high crime suburb of Syd-

at me, smashing the glass table in front of me. Scared I went to my

harming as what was the point of caring for my

ney until my father came home from work. No

room with my sister. My Mum and her boyfriend had a massive fight

body – nobody cared?

food all day, just me and my sister, two inno-

which resulted in him leaving. My mother was raging. She blamed him

WRONG.

cent young children, stranded on the footpath

leaving on us girls, saying we were sluts and that it was our fault. I

to our own home. Eventually I was let inside the

was trying to steal her boyfriend away. We were good for nothing, just

house, but my sister was still locked outside. It was her fault. That’s all

F**king dogs who caused the miscarriage of her unborn. Then came

my mother would say, “It’s HER fault”. I tried to unlock the door, but

the physical abuse. She started lashing into us like a boxing bag. As

I’d just get hit with a wooden spoon, which was later broken on my

my sister and I cuddled in together, she kept throwing punches. I got

life. I had never felt this before; a sense of love,

sister’s bottom from being hit so hard. I remember the constant fights

free and locked myself in the bathroom while my sister was still in the

affection and care for someone other than them-

between my parents as an infant, but nothing seemed to ever change.

room. My mother tried to bash down the door, but I stayed in there

self. Unconditional love.

My parents split up when I was around 4 years old and we moved

until all went quiet. Eventually I came out and my mum acted like

A love a mother should give their daughter.

away from Sydney to Mackay. There was an ongoing custody battle

nothing was wrong. My sister was still in the room, keeping to herself.

It took a while for me to trust and open up

but the judge deemed my mother unfit and granted sole custody to

We were starved that night, not even allowed a biscuit from the jar on

my father.

the bench. I rang dad the next day to get us on the next flight back, but

My father had always tried

I had met a second cousin of mine for the first
time that brought a positive energy into my

myself to allow this new person in my life, but
when I did my whole world changed. I learned

he said he couldn’t. We endured

to look after us the best he

I hit a turning point in my life when I was 17.

the next few days of emotion-

could and warned us about
our mother’s mental condition. Ignoring the advice,
I continued to speak with my
mum for a few years after they
split up. As I was so young, I never really knew what my mother
did wrong for us to leave. As a

“Forgiveness is still
something I am
working on, however
I try my best not to
let my childhood past
affect my happiness.”

how to appreciate myself; I learned I was strong

al abuse, silent in fear, until our

and independent. I was kind, selfless and

flight was ready. That was the

caring. Smart and intuitive. My personality and

last time I saw my mother. We

confidence soared as the years went on.

continued to receive phone calls

My sister, however, was not so lucky. She

from our mother, threatening

suffers from depression and abandonment

to come to Brisbane and kill us

issues from our childhood. As my sister was

all. “I’ll shoot you, you know, I’ll

the eldest, the memories for her are still raw.

come to Brisbane and shoot the

She felt, her job as my sister was to protect and

child, I always thought it was

bloody lot of ya. You, your sister,

something I had done, constant-

that bitch you call a stepmother

care for me, to be my mother where my mother

ly second guessing myself. When I was 10 years old, I decided to go

and your father. He’s the one that’s turned you against me, your bloody

could not. She took a lot of the blame when we

down to Sydney and visit my mother. I thought I was old enough that

father”. This abuse continued for years. My life with my father was a

were kids to protect me and it is in her instinct

if anything was to go wrong, I would be able to handle the situation.

lot better, although he struggled with his own issues and rough child-

to look after me.

My sister and I ventured down to Sydney to spend Christmas with

hood, he did the best he could, with what he had. There were situa-

A few years ag o now, my sister hit an all time

our mother in the year 2000. We had spoken to mum over the few

tions in our family life with our stepmother that were also tough. Alco-

weeks and everything seemed ‘normal’. It had only taken 2 days for the

hol fueled domestic violence was a common occurrence in our home,

first episode to take place...My mother had a boyfriend at the time that

but seemed nothing compared to the violence from my mother. The

was quite psychotic himself - an alcoholic, a chain smoker and a short

anger passed over time as my father grew as a person, his relationships

temper. One night, I remember my Mother went out with my sister to

got stronger and he started to realise the affect his rage was having

sister felt like a burden on everyone around her

the local shops; the boyfriend came over to me whilst I was watching

on his daughter’s life as well as his marriage. Having a background of

and that her sister had abandoned her as well.

TV and had sexually assaulted me. Fortunately he could not do much

child abuse and going through high school being bullied due to my

Special Thanks To,

as they came home not long after. I tried to explain what happened to

weight and appearance, I suffered from extreme lack of self confidence

my mother and when confronted, the boyfriend threw his beer bottles

and self worth. I believed I was worth no-one’s love. I

ABBYLEE
Hair and Make-Up Avenging Angel Industries
NICOLE FARRELLY, PHOTOGRAPHER:
AMYLEE
WWW.AMYLEE.COM.AU

44

MBA

| MISSIONBEAUTIFULAUSTRALIA.COM

low. She was that depressed, she tried to
commit suicide twice, under the belief no one
would care if she was gone, especially me. My

MODEL:

To see my sister lying in a hospital bed, her
organs shutting down due to an overdose,
her eyes all yellow and swollen from her liver

MARCH 2014

45