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When a survivor tells the helper her story
SAID ALOUD
When a survivor tells the helper her story
Aim . How to assist and prepare a survivor who wishes to tell her story .
PART II : THE TRAINING
Trainer . I will continue the story .
The Butterfly Woman asked the helper for advice . She said : “ What will become of me ? Am I going insane ? Is my life destroyed forever ?” She described her state of mind . “ I feel so alone . It is dark inside . My heart and spirit are asleep . I have bad thoughts , nightmares , and I am afraid of everything . I get angry and yell at people . I do not recognise myself .
Others turn away from me . I am bad , dirty . Some days I do not want to live . I see no hope ! Can I escape from this ?”
The helper realised that the Butterfly Woman might be ready to tell her full story . The helper had asked before whether she would like to talk , but the Butterfly Woman had never been willing . The helper readied herself to listen , but needed to take certain precautions beforehand .
Do you recognise this situation ? What do you do when a survivor opens up to you ? In your society , how are the human rights conditions regarding the issues of GBV and how does a woman speak about her problems ? How do you respond ?
Then the Butterfly Woman began to think about what she should do with the terrible story she was living with . She had heard it was possible to report such things , but wanted first to talk with a helper , who could listen to her without criticism and would not say she had done anything wrong . She wanted to go in more detail into what had happened to her , hoping this might get it a bit off her mind . She did not know exactly how to do it , but decided that , when a helper next asked her if she wanted to talk , she would say that she did . In the past , she had always refused , and the helper had always mildly and gently accepted her response .
Now she felt more determined to say what happened . How they threw her around , insulted her , touched her , were violent , even that she was penetrated , by one and then many , and that they had laughed at her . She knows it will not be easy to talk about this , but she understands that it may have to be done , especially if she wants to report what happened .
Discussion . How to respond when a survivor decides to tell her story in detail . ( 20 minutes .)
DISCUSSION
Do you recognise this situation ? What do you do when a survivor opens up to you ? In your society , how does a woman speak about her problems ? How do you respond ?
The helpers did ask and she started to talk – hesitantly , not coherently , sometimes in tears , sometimes shivering . The helper underlined that she was with her , would not tell anybody , would sit as close to her as she wanted , and that the Butterfly Woman could stop at any point . The helper let her talk , but confirmed she was listening , reminded her that she was safe , that she had been attacked and was not to blame , and that no one could take her dignity and pride from her .