98 When a survivor tells the helper her story
TO THE TRAINER
PART II : THE TRAINING
When a survivor tells the helper her story
Aim . How to assist and prepare a survivor who wishes to tell her story .
When a survivor wants to tell her complete story , the helper needs to listen well and prepare the survivor for what to expect . Taking into account a human rights-based approach , discuss with the participants why this is so important .
• Prepare a survivor for whom talking may be very hard , but is sometimes necessary .
• Support her while she talks , by allowing her to take breaks , digest and express her feelings .
• Help her stay in the here and now .
• Remind her that she can stop whenever she wants .
• Listen with a non-judgemental and supportive attitude .
• Guarantee the confidentiality of the conversation .
• Ask or try to ask how long the violent act was , how it ended and how she knew it was over .
• Underline that
• The assault was a crime committed against her , that she is innocent , and in pain .
• Most people who are exposed to such violence have strong reactions .
• Nothing the survivor did during the violence was wrong .
• Everything she did during the violence was to protect herself and stay alive .
• Allow her to talk about what should happen next , including whether she wants to report the assault .
• Bring closure to the story .
• Consider whether she will need more help after telling her story , including perhaps therapy .
Helpers should remember :
• Allow the survivor to tell her story , including how it ended .
• Help her to stay in the present and remember the rape is a memory and is not being relived .
• Let her tell her story in parts , using grounding exercises when necessary .
• Correct misconceptions linked to the memory ( feelings of personal guilt , shame , dirtiness , unworthiness , and feelings that people , or men , cannot be trusted , etc .).
• Help her reconnect to the future , by making plans , acquiring skills , and rebuilding .
• Reach closure and talk about next steps ( further support and help , reporting , etc .).
• The helper ’ s role is to support a survivor , make her feel safe , and help her to restore her dignity ; telling the story is not therapy .
DISCUSSION
Discussion . How to respond when a survivor indicates she wants to discuss her story in detail .
Ask the group to discuss how a helper can respond to the questions the Butterfly Woman asks , and how a human rights-based approach can make a difference .