May 2019 Issue #29 May 2019 Issue #29 - Page 137

9. Being too quick to open up the relation- ship There is no judgement under this point. For some people, monogamy works quite well. For other couples, discussions are had whereby both parties agree to have an open relationship or bring in a third. But if the two of you have only been together for just a few months – or per- haps one year – and are already looking to others for physical stimulation, it could be a problem. Examples: Thinking sex with others will “fix” the primary relationship Relying on an exclusive physical connection with another to remedy emotional issues Using third parties for emotional and physical validation Immediately opting for an “open up” the relationship as a response to infidelity Using adult videos as a crutch to intimacy and physical closeness on a regular basis 10. Not having shared goals The final point is key. If the two of you don’t have shared goals, the relationship isn’t going to work for the long term. And while it is true that each of you may hold a different vision for the future, there needs to be at least one or two common goals that you are working to- wards. Examples: Working as a team towards buying a home Determining if you want children Identifying and working towards financial goals Planning for retirement, “next steps” in life, etc. 137