May 2019 Issue #29 May 2019 Issue #29 - Page 136

7. Not regularly making time for one an- other While this point may seem obvious, it is a major reason why so many gay relationships find themselves in trouble. This is particularly true for longer term situations (3 years or more), where the dynamic often morphs from ap- propriate alone time to totally alone time. Commonly, this happens when one or both partners in the relationship are more attached to their careers and by extension, career success, than they are to one another. Examples include: Making work the primary daily focus of life instead of the relationship Not placing boundaries around technology, such as smartphones and pads Offering to take on more responsibilities at work when it is not necessary Validating oneself primarily through a job or career 8. Thinking something “better” will come along This point may be difficult to read because for many gay men it is the truth. If you keep jumping into and out of relationships hoping the next person will be “the one”, you are setting yourself up for major failure. It takes a lot more than 2 or 3 dates to determine compatibility. Unless there is a glaring reason that suggests someone isn’t going to be the right fit, there needs to be an opportunity to let a relationship blossom and bloom. Examples include: Cutting off a relationship before truly getting to know someone Having super rigid requirements regarding looks, income, career type, sexu- al positions Constantly comparing your last relationship with the current one Focusing on the perceived negatives of a person and ignoring the positives attributes 136