5. Letting disagreements turn into major
blowouts
All of us make mistakes from time to time but how many of us step up to
the plate and “own” our behaviors? While it is certainly difficult at times to
acknowledge we’ve done something wrong, that’s not a permission slip to
act like it didn’t happen. In fact, this is a big reason disagreements turn into
blowouts
Once a pattern of not talking about what’s bothering us sets in, a metaphor-
ical clock begins ticking. At some point, there’s going to be a blowout. (See
video below on how to avoid blowouts)
Examples include:
Regularly blaming your man for things you have done wrong
Not sincerely acknowledging and owning your actions
Not being sincere when you say you are sorry about what happened
Pretending “he’ll get over it” – even for egregious behaviors
Not calling a “Time Out” before a blowout happens or when someone shuts
down.
6. Ongoing use of drugs and alcohol
While this point is not true of all gay relationships, it certainly is an issue in
some. If you or your man constantly require the use drugs or alcohol (or
both) in order to have a “good time” or to be around one another, something
will eventually give.
And while having fun from time to time has its place, it shouldn’t be the glue
that binds you together.
Examples include:
Regularly using alcohol as emotional lubricant in the relationship
Needing to use drugs while being with one another to let lose
Needing to be around other people who regularly drink or “party”
Making alcohol and/or drugs a main component of your sex life
135