May 2019 Issue #29 May 2019 Issue #29 - Page 135

5. Letting disagreements turn into major blowouts All of us make mistakes from time to time but how many of us step up to the plate and “own” our behaviors? While it is certainly difficult at times to acknowledge we’ve done something wrong, that’s not a permission slip to act like it didn’t happen. In fact, this is a big reason disagreements turn into blowouts Once a pattern of not talking about what’s bothering us sets in, a metaphor- ical clock begins ticking. At some point, there’s going to be a blowout. (See video below on how to avoid blowouts) Examples include: Regularly blaming your man for things you have done wrong Not sincerely acknowledging and owning your actions Not being sincere when you say you are sorry about what happened Pretending “he’ll get over it” – even for egregious behaviors Not calling a “Time Out” before a blowout happens or when someone shuts down. 6. Ongoing use of drugs and alcohol While this point is not true of all gay relationships, it certainly is an issue in some. If you or your man constantly require the use drugs or alcohol (or both) in order to have a “good time” or to be around one another, something will eventually give. And while having fun from time to time has its place, it shouldn’t be the glue that binds you together. Examples include: Regularly using alcohol as emotional lubricant in the relationship Needing to use drugs while being with one another to let lose Needing to be around other people who regularly drink or “party” Making alcohol and/or drugs a main component of your sex life 135