LEADING YOU
LISTEN ON PURPOSE,
AND AMAZINGLY
ENHANCE YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS
By Caroline Mwazi
W
e all love being listened
to – we want people to
open their minds and
hearts to us, and hear what we have
to say. The secret to enhancing
our relationships however lies
in choosing to listen to others,
rather than making them listen
to you. From kindergarten we are
taught how to speak, read and
write, but hardly are we taught to
listen – it is hence no wonder that
this important element of human
communication is underdeveloped
in most of us.
The value of listening cannot be
extolled enough. The Apostle James
exhorts us to be quick to listen
and slow to speak. The salesperson
who truly listens to understand and
effectively meet clients’ needs is
the one who gets the order, repeat
business and referrals.
The leader who genuinely listens to
his followers wins their trust and
is thus able to motivate, inspire
and influence them; the friend
or family member who listens
non-judgmentally gains high
understanding and intimacy in their
relationships.
If listening is so beneficial, why
don’t we listen enough? Our minds
are often busy – preparing what
we want to say next, or dwelling
on other ‘things’, or we are simply
restless, wanting to move on to the
next person and conversation.
Granted, while we usually do not
want to listen to the office rambler
or Uncle George for the fourth
time sharing about his 2010 root
canal procedure, we do need to
make the time to listen to the
significant people in our lives.
‘‘While I am by no means the paragon of good
listening, I have found that listening is a journey.
There is no end point and there is always room to
grow and develop. I have also found that once the
other person feels truly understood, he or she is
more open to hearing you.’’
90 MAL 12/16 ISSUE
Several years ago, I made a New
Year’s resolution to listen more. It
was not a perfect run, but through
the experience I realized that
everyone has interesting things
to share that I would have missed
if I had kept nattering away!
I gained insights into them I
otherwise would not have and our
relationships deepened as rapport
and intimacy increased.
While I am by no means the
paragon of good listening, I have
found that listening is a journey.
There is no end point and there is
always room to grow and develop. I
have also found that once the other
person feels truly understood, he or
she is more open to hearing you.
Habit 5 of Steve Covey’s The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People
is ‘Seek First to Understand, then
to be Understood. In outlining
the first part of this habit, Covey
describes 5 types of listening, the
first 4 of which are negative. These
are:Ignoring: Not really listening at all;
in short, tuning the other person
out.
Pretending: Seeming to listen