Why was it so effective?
Tailored Consequences
My reaction, the right reaction, was made possible because my boss did two very important things:
He stayed calm & slowed down.
He described consequences I cared about.
I listen better when there’s less emotion in the conversation, people are calm, and the pace is unhurried. He either knew this and adapted his communication style accordingly or his instinct developed from years of management experience sent him down this path. This was critical to making sure I was in the best position to hear what came next.
Second, I’m a “moderate S” and “high C” on the DiSC model. If you check the DiSC chart, you’ll find words like “amiable” and “outgoing,” for the S dimension and “perfectionist,” “accurate,” and “fact-finder” for the C. In summary: I like getting along with people and I really don’t like being wrong.
Now that I was listening, my boss was able to make clear how my actions had damaged my reputation, his reputation, and the rapport he had with the CEO. What’s worse, I’d done it on a fundamentally false premise. Inexcusable!
Make Your Feedback Impactful
Employees have long been clamoring for not only more feedback, but more effective feedback. And yet, managers really struggle with this and with communication in general. kim scott [sic] an advisor & coach for several companies, including Twitter, points to Radical Candor as the secret to being a good boss.
You might read up on this approach and think, “Wow, that’s kind of abrasive.” It can be. In fact, if you’re communicating with a “high D” on the DiSC scale, it probably should be. They’re going to expect fairly direct language to help them realize you’re saying something worth listening to. But always, it has to be delivered with the right heart. It’s not about demoralizing the person you’re talking to. Feedback is not a scolding.
Feedback helps people be more successful going forward.
How Do I Get Started?
One of the most difficult things about doing something differently than you do today is getting started. I’ll caveat the following with a few key points:
-Thus far we’ve been talking entirely about adjusting (negative? critical?) feedback. There’s positive feedback too.
-I am terrible with positive feedback. I don’t provide enough of it. So I apologize for my hypocrisy below in advance.
-Positive feedback differs from praise. Praise is saying “great work!” Feedback is explaining the specifics of what you did, and what great consequences were produced. They’re both valuable.
-The vast majority of my thinking about feedback comes from Mark and Mike over at Manager Tools (MT).