10 Things to Consider Before You Say "I DO".
1. When you get married, there is no more "I, me or you"...this becomes "we" and "us". You are no longer in a position to make a majority of your decisions on your own. You have another person's feeling to consider in everything you do and say. For instance, as a single woman or man, you might want to go on a road trip with some buddies and the only thing to it is to do it. However, once you are married, you will need to make sure this is okay with your spouse. It's not a matter of asking permission but instead being considerate. If he or she expressed that he/she had something else planned, willingness to compromise comes into play. Are you willing to put your road trip off in order to make your spouse happy or do you just assume she'll get over it if you go?
2. Speaking of compromise, I personally do not believe anything is completely 50/50 but we should do what we can to keep it as close as possible. This means that even if your spouse is willing to compromise their plans to accommodate your road trip, it doesn’t mean he or she is happy about it. You should also make sure your spouse isn’t the one that has to compromise all the time and vice versa. If one person is the one who always has to give up what they want, this may cause problems down the line.
3. Yes, down the line is something to worry about right now. Regardless of the type of person that you say you are, marriage is honestly full of grudges especially for women because we never forget. It's kind of like a table holding books. You can stack books on, one at a time and a good table will hold but eventually when you've stacked too many, the table will collapse. Make sure you clear books off of the table as much as you can before you add more IF you must add more! In lamens terms, don't let your problems accumulate and go unaddressed.
4. A family that PRAYS together stays together. Keep God in your relationship and he will lead you in the right direction. I rode pass a billboard on my way home one day that says “Need a marriage counselor? I’m available. –God”. This is something to remember both before and after you decide to say “I DO”.
5. Before you get married, you should definitely take the time to talk about vital views and opinions first. This conversation should include but should not be limited to views about religion, children, goals and occupational choices (especially if military is one of them), geographic choice, etc. Some of these things can break the relationship if views greatly differ.
6. When you are married, you will need to be able to put your ego aside. An egotistical person is someone who is convinced that they not only aren't wrong but also can't be wrong so compromise will become impossible. If your pride is more important to you than the feelings of your spouse, you are not ready to be married. Biting your tongue is sometimes a very large part of getting along in a marriage.
7. Everything that you think is not meant to be said and in the heat of the moment you must be especially careful of what you say because words can never be taken back. Regardless of how many times you apologize, hurtful words leave an imprint in the mind and on the heart of the person on the other end of them. Some say that what you say when you're mad represent what you really feel so be sure you never say anything just to be hurtful or mean. Learn to have a sensor.
8. PRIVACY. When you get married, chances are you will have little to no privacy. The person you are planning to marry will be the person that you wake up to every morning and go to sleep next to every night. This person’s priorities become yours and vice versa. You will develop a group of mutual friends and MUST learn to at least tolerate everyone who comes with the package including the in-laws. Joint bank accounts and phone bills leave absolutely no room for secrets so if secrecy and discretion are important to you, marriage may not be the best move.
9. Know and accept your significant other because what you see is what you get. Marriage can be like buying a used car. He or she comes “as is” with no warranty and no exchange or return. Marriage (just like having a baby) is not an easy fix and should not be taken as the expectation that anything will change. If change is what you hope for, you should wait to see results before you say “I DO”. It is unfair to both them and you to expect them to change who they are and have been all along if that is the person you fell in love with.
10. Communicate! This is the second most important part of making a marriage work. Being able to talk to one another will avoid a lot of the common causes of divorce. Being honest and straight-forward is also vital. Communication is the only way to set boundaries and express expectations therefore setting the pace for the relationship. This will ultimately reduce if not avoid arguments and misconceptions down the line. Unless you have married a psychic, this is the only way a marriage will work.
Lastly, remember that YES and NO are not the only two answers to “the question”. Sometimes “Not right now” or “let’s give some time” are just as good. Don’t rush into it. Good luck and congratulations!
-Candace Mays
32