unnecessary chatting within a week day . Basically we have abdicated parenting to househelps , Zuckerberg , Spielberg etc .
Meanwhile you are consoling yourself that you are hustling so that they have a better life . This is where we go so wrong . Parenting cannot and will not be delegated . I remember vividly when we were in school and we deteriorated in our grades , our parents would come down heavy on us . However these days if the grades drop , the parents come down heavy on the teachers . How and when that switch happened is a story for the next time we have a blackout .
We tend to think that because we have paid the high fees we pay for the schools we send our kids to , then we have also delegated parenting . We fail to see the beauty of the tag team approach that is achieved when we affirm what the teachers are doing at school . The balanced child will stem from an environment that has support both in school and at home .
Active parenting revolves around the idea that any behavior should be driven by a goal . Completing these goals helps build a behavior pattern . This means that instead of acting like an authoritarian parent , you are more of an authoritative one , encouraging and reinforcing positive behavior through the completion of goals .
The goals have to be both meaningful and achievable , like the goal of getting good grades . As a parent , you have to encourage practices like studying or doing the homework , and be present as much as possible to support , while discouraging others like getting distracted during the study .
Active parents believe in social interactions as a fundamental part of their relationship . The notion that the parent knows best is challenged . Instead , parents have to analyze their behavior towards their children and how their behavior affects them . In the end , even though there is a big age gap between parents and children , it ’ s important to nurture respect and to look at things from a child ’ s point of view .
Put yourself in your children ’ s shoes . Think of how you behaved at that time and of what others demanded of you at the same age . And , most importantly , figure out if you are realistic in your demands . Sometimes , it ’ s not that the child is unwilling to follow your guidelines , but they just don ’ t have the capacity to do it .
Active parents need to put an emphasis on the cognitive behavioral changes . Positive behavior needs to be singled out , so that it gets reinforced , while the negative behavior needs to be reprimanded , so that children can make
We tend to think that because we have paid the high fees we pay for the schools we send our kids to , then we have also delegated parenting . We fail to see the beauty of the tag team approach that is achieved when we affirm what the teachers are doing at school . The balanced child will stem from an environment that has support both in school and at home .
Because you are an absentee parent you have over compensated by making available excess niceties . On their own these freedoms you have allowed the child to have like access to high speed internet , an active phone , television , and games are okay and can actually facilitate the child wholesomely . However unattended , you ’ ve exposed the child to pornography , illicit browsing , and unnecessary chatting daily . Basically we ’ ve abdicated parenting to househelps , Zuckerberg , and Spielberg among others . the difference between right and wrong . There is a saying that it ’ s easier to build strong children than to fix broken adults .
This is a challenging and demanding world we live in , with hurdles around every corner . Children need to be guided , instead of being allowed to get carried away , especially because they are so vulnerable at that stage . Such challenges include drug and alcohol use , sexuality , death and violence , just to mention a few . Instead of being taboo subjects , they need to be explained in a sensitive and emphatic manner as you model life for them . Remember they don ’ t listen to you , but rather watch you as you live your life and emulate .
The best way to communicate the house rules to your children is by having them written down and pinned on a fridge or on any other visible spot . This practice shouldn ’ t be new to them , since it ’ s similar to the school rooms where their rules are displayed . Find time to explain them , ensuring that they understand what ’ s expected of them .
Try not to fall into the trap of the boring lecture , if you don ’ t want the information to enter through one ear and exit through the other . Let them know the consequences of crossing the boundaries – sometimes it ’ s enough to just ask them not to do a certain thing , without mentioning what would happen if they disobey . The simple fact that they know that something happens when they break the rules could be enough .
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