Calm down: Count to ten (yes it
does help!), breathe deep and express
yourself calmly without shouting.
Force yourself also to think rationally
and in a balanced way instead of
listening to your hot thoughts.
Hot thoughts include thoughts like,
“Who do they think they are?”, “I
will show him” or “They are making
fun of me”, and these thoughts lead
us to react angrily.
Communicate Calmly: Avoid
absolute statements such as, “You
never, you always…”). Also avoid
thinking in black and white:
“Either you are with me or you’re
not!” Remember in life there are
grey areas.
Force yourself actively to listen
to the other person instead of
jumping to conclusions. Think
before responding calmly rather than
shouting.
Also avoid demanding things from
people – it’s better to make requests.
Ask questions instead of reacting in
anger. For example: “What do you
mean by that?”
Be assertive; respect yourself and
others by expressing yourself in a
clear, direct and calm way. Use “I”
language, such as, “I felt hurt and
angry when you said I’m useless.”
This is better than using emotional,
abusive, aggressive, threatening
language.
Problem Solving: On your own
or together with the other person,
identify the problem, possible causes
of the problem and brainstorm
solutions.
‘‘Anger is an emotion we all experience.
It arises out of frustration that things are
not going the way we want. This includes
being blocked from doing what you want,
going where you want to go, achieving
desired results, not being listened to or
being put down.’’
control yourself to effectively deal
with the situation at the moment,
remove yourself from the situation.
and the only way to get yourself off
the hook is to let the other person off
first.
This is not a sign of weakness, but
you deciding to take time out for the
time being. You could go for a walk,
listen to music, read a book, exercise
or go somewhere you can relax till
you are calm and ready to deal with
the situation in a calm, objective
manner.
Get Help: If your anger is extreme
and difficult to control, get help
through counseling or talking to a
wise friend or mentor.
Relaxation and Quiet time: Getting
adequate rest and relaxation will help
you keep calm most of the time and
you will be less prone to losing your
temper.
Like any other habit gaining control
of your anger will take time and
practice, but there are immeasurable
rewards to gain in terms of your
personal and emotional health as
well as more positive and improved
relations.
Create daily quiet time for yourself
and use this time to journal, reflect
and plan.
If anger is a major issue for you, keep
an anger journal where you note
what makes you angry, your thoughts
and feelings before, during and after,
how you acted, what happened after
that and how you feel about your
handling of the situation, as well
as what you will do differently next
time.
From the possible solutions
decide which one is the best and
then implement and evaluate the
effectiveness of the solution selected.
Let it go: Forgiving both yourself
and the other person will help you no
longer think of the other person with
anger. Author Stephen Hayes uses
an analogy of the forgiveness hook
where both you and the person who
has wronged you are on the hook.
Walk Away: If you feel that you can’t
The hook hurts every time you move
Check your progress regularly and
see if you are improving in managing
your anger.
The Book of Proverbs tells us that he
that is slow to anger is better than
the mighty: and he that rules his
spirit than he that takes a city. Here’s
to ruling your spirit and taking the
city!
Caroline Mwazi is Chief Change
Catalyst at Huru Consult Limited, a
management and training consulting
company focusing on Strategy &
Organizational Development,
Financial Management, Sales and
Client Relations, Leadership &
Personal Development. She is a certified
Best Year Yet ® Coach and Team
Program Facilitator. You can reach her
on mail at: [email protected].