Sister Elizabeth
I miss Muriel so much. She was the most precious treasure that I have ever had in my life, my only friend. Mainly because she reminded me much of my own child. I to this day wonder about the child that I had given up on to go become a nun. I had given the child to my sister who was married. I thought the child would be better off where it had a mother and a father, she probably doesn't even remember my face. She might not remember my face, but I will always remember her face. I will forever remember the child whom I named Skye, the child with green eyes, and red hair. I named her Skye because her skin was as clear as the sky, I spelt Skye with an e which was totally unnecessary considering “Sky” has its real spelling. Skye, the girl I last seen when she was three years of age. Skye, whom I was ashamed of, whom I kept a secret of, whom I now miss. I really wanted to stay with Muriel, but she reminded me too much of Skye and my mistakes previously. Now I realized when I think of Skye, I was never ashamed of her, I was only ashamed of me. I know that now that I have met Muriel. I feel un pure each time that I look in the mirror. I hope one day I will be able to gaze upon Skye, even for just one second. Skye, whom I had never known I had loved until I had let her go. I aint a pure soul at all. I wonder if this makes me a terrible person, because I do not wish to take back my sins. I was too scared back then what people would think of me, if I knew then what I have known now I would’ve raised Skye, I would've been her mother, I would’ve taken judgement. But I had made a decision that now controls my life. I wonder how my decision has impacted Skye, who’s now eight years old. If I could say one thing to Skye I’d tell her that I've always loved her. I hope she’s happy and she has a mother and father who love her. Now I know the real reason why I didn't keep her, my mother failed me as a child and I didn't want to fail Skye.
My mother was not happy in her relationship with my father. You would think the love for me and my sister would be enough, but it wasn't. She had started a love affair with another man. The last time I saw her she had raged out the door. I remember sitting at the door for hours, days, weeks, waiting for her to come home. I would make cards for her, for when she returned home, but my sister kept on saying not to bother with such things because she was never coming home. I used to think just because my sister said it doesn't mean she wouldn't come home. I feel bad for my sister. First she had to come a mother to me, then she had to become a mother to my child. If I failed anybody, it would be my sister Christina. I miss my sister too. I wish I could do something for her. I wish I could take back some of the things I did, especially to my sister. She was always the strong one. I can’t believe I told Muriel to be strong when I really was never strong. I love getting her letters. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. I thought once I took my vows that I would be easy, but it is really hard, there are so many rules. Now I want to go back to Muriel. I’m gonna go back to Muriel.