When you use anger, it is not responsible because anger almost always interferes with the other person getting his or her needs met. You definitely have not only the right, but also the responsibility to get your needs met but not at the expense of someone else.
Underlying most reasons for choosing anger, you are probably attempting to improve an important relationship in your life. Anger will never work to do that. You may get the initial satisfaction of getting the other person to do your bidding, but you have damaged something in the relationship.
You must make a proactive plan about what you are going to do instead of using anger. It should be something that has at least an equal chance of getting you what you want while supporting others in their process of getting their own needs met.
Once you realize or have an idea of why you’re getting angry, you can begin the process of addressing the issue and gaining more control.
Controlling anger is a difficult task until one learns the underlying reasons for the rage… however; methods of controlling the outburst have been used effectively for a while now.
We will attempt to outline a few…
•Be aware of conversations that can easily trigger you and no matter what, veer away from those conversations unless you’re dealing w/ people who share at least some of your viewpoints
•Recognize when a conversation is escalating towards a volatile point and politely excuse yourself from the exchange…it’s much easier to disconnect from a conversation before words have pushed them into the hot zone.
•Take ten deep breaths… Yes this “old remedy” actually works. As we become angrier our physiology changes as well… inhaling deeply provides the brain with more oxygen which is vital for critical thought…it also gives us time to process information.
•Create a “quiet place” … Think of a moment in which you were incredibly calm, stress free and happy…. Remember what you were doing, visualize who was there, relive how intense the moment was…If you’re doing this correctly…you should be either smiling right now or be experiencing a very blissful state… If you made it that place, I want you to pull your finger, twist your ring, and play with your necklace something intentionally physical… Do this a few times…eventually those feelings and thoughts will become connected with that action…. And anytime you begin feeling angry, doing this will instantly take you out of the state of anger to your safe place.
•Pick your battles … every workplace, home and even places of worship, has that one person who enjoys disharmony and discord… Stay away from them, if possible.
These methods should be a great starting point for regaining control of what is easily one of our more destructive emotions.
In one my conflict resolution classes my eyes were also opened the following “truths…”
•There often is more than one correct answer. depending on perspective
•Everyone…without exclusion has a right to believe and feel however he or she chooses…
•People are not obligated to see the world from our perspective
•Believe it or not sometimes…you will be wrong…your information will be incorrect
•More often than not…whatever the conversation…it’s often not that serious
Anger and volatility, to most who display this trait, often view it as a badge of honor, as being “No Nonsense, not taking any “ish”, but rarely realize it’s destructive nature’’’’ physiologically, socially and professionally…