FEATURE
HOW SUNDAYS AT GRANDMA ’ S HOUSE Made Me A Good Doctor
Suzanne McGee , MD
Loretta Louise Pilson was one heck of a woman . She wasn ’ t rich or famous , but she was one of the most generous , hospitable and loving human beings I ’ ve ever known . Loretta Louise Pilson was my grandma , and she had quite the posse of admirers . Grandma was a short plucky German woman who endured a lot of hardships in her life , but despite that , had a rambunctious laugh that could put even the grumpiest curmudgeon in a good mood . My grandparents raised their family of five on a mailman ’ s salary in an 800-sq . ft . house in the West End . They remained there until debility and dementia forced them to move to assisted living , and eventually a nursing home .
Despite their circumstances , they were always giving what they had to other people . For instance , Grandma had quite the following of neighborhood kids who totally adored her . Grandma opened her home on Dixdale Avenue and had plenty of sweet treats for the kids when they visited . Growing up , Sundays were the best day of the week , because our family went to see Grandma . Each Sunday , my brother and I pigged out on an insane amount of junk food which was really a treat since our mom ( rightfully ) made sure we ate well the rest of the week . It seemed like candy , cookies , chips , cakes , and ice cream appeared from thin air , and every time we thought we had eaten all the junk food in the house , grandma and grandpa pulled out more snacks from the cabinets , the fridge , the basement stash , and the “ treat closet .” Going to my grandparent ’ s house was so much fun but because I felt so special and loved by my grandparents . The grandkids were their world , and we knew it because of how valued grandma and grandpa made us feel .
Grandma died 10 years ago this March , and I ’ ve been thinking a lot about her lately and how she was shaping me into the doctor I am today , years before I was even accepted into medical school .
She suffered from dreadful dementia and , after caring for many patients with dementia myself , I now realize how bad her dementia really was . Her short-term memory was nearly obliterated but she retained a sliver of awareness of her former self — just enough to realize that she was going “ crazy .” Grandma would wail when she would come to this realization , often multiple times per day . She could never remember that grandpa had died before her , and frequently would fixate on trying to figure out where he was . Each time someone told her he had died , it was as if she was reliving the rawness of learning a loved one had died over and over again . Her behaviors became progressively more difficult to control , which was distressing for all involved . However , she also had glimmers of her former self , such as when she would lead the nursing home dining room in a rousing rendition of the German drinking song “ Roll Out the Barrel .” Despite how difficult her care could sometimes be , the nursing home staff absolutely adored her and took outstanding care of her even when her behaviors were less-than-desirable . It was so heartwarming to know how much she was adored even when she was at her worst . Karma really came through for grandma , as her caretakers showed her the same kindness and hospitality that she had given so many people over the years .
I can still remember the commencement speaker at my brother ’ s law school graduation reminding the audience of Maya Angelou ’ s important message : “ I ’ ve learned that people will forget what you said , people will forget what you did , but people will never forget how you made them feel .” Grandma probably never heard that quote , but she certainly lived it , as did her nurses , aides and physicians who doted over her even when she was a difficult patient . As physicians , we need to bear in mind that this notion absolutely applies to us too , as each patient encounter has the potential to leave a lasting impression .
Doctors have become so busy and pressured to be efficient that
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