contributions
let ’ s talk about sex
By Dr Peter Gibilsco
I am a 55-year-old male , who was diagnosed at 14 with Friedreich ’ s Ataxia . This is a progressive neurological disorder , which eventually leaves the person with severe socioeconomic and medical problems .
I live in a residential care home run by Yooralla . In my opinion , speaking as a resident rather than as a customer , Yooralla has a number of broadbrush policies that pigeon-hole their ‘ customers ’.
Sex and severe disability are an important foundation of humanity and , therefore , must be treated respectfully and individually . Unfortunately for me , my Friedreich ’ s Ataxia has allowed me to still have full sexual function , which , at my age , only serves to increase my frustrations . There is a policy failure on the part of my support providers at Yooralla , because they do not take into account my personal issues and circumstances .
From when I was 28 years old until I was 49 , living on my own was great . It allowed me to exercise my individual rights as a person with a severe disability . Even before that time , my life was not ‘ normal ’. But , even so , I had my heart set on doing things that I could adequately perform , such as getting an education , including my PhD . Study was difficult but I managed to find the correct balance between human wants and needs . Likewise , sex became what I would call a sensible need and want of any person with a physical disability .
Back in 2011-2013 , I used to attend one of Melbourne ’ s high-class brothels , accompanied by two Yooralla support workers , who reasonably supported my wishes to be able to have a good time . I was able to provide for the needs of my support workers by buying them both dinner , and endeavoured to make these excursions as enjoyable as possible for all concerned . When we got to the brothel my support workers would sometimes play pool , while , for me , the rest of the evening was a foregone conclusion . My support workers never engaged in any sexual activity ; the sex part was only for me .
To me , sex is a means of alleviating my frustrations . It is one of the few things I can still physically perform , and something that I still have control over . I exercise every day and believe in the philosophy , ‘ if you don ’ t use it you will lose it ’.
Yooralla ’ s sex policy ( 2015 ) stipulates : ‘( employees must ) protect the safety and wellbeing of the customer and , as such , employees are not permitted to engage in facilitating access to sex workers that are contrary to the ( guidelines that are outlined in the policy )’. However , Yooralla has not followed this policy , instead telling my support workers that they are not allowed to attend a brothel with me .
I recently undertook a trip to Thailand , which was planned with the assistance of my regular , and very much appreciated , Yooralla support workers , as well as my academic support worker . However , my frustration regarding this trip was due , in part , to Yooralla ’ s failure to give timely information concerning its vacation policy ( 2016 ). I requested information about the vacation policy three months before I took my trip , however the information was only provided to me about a month before I was due to leave . This ‘ do or die ’ trip ( for me ) is best summed up with this scenario : I was like a kid in a lolly shop , but there was no way of communicating my needs . This was really hard for me , what is a seemingly simple process for anyone else with normal functioning . With that being said , I think that I may have needed to be more upfront with my support worker for this trip , and maybe if this was done , the trip could have been more enjoyable .
Special thanks to Christina Irugalbandara , my brilliant academic support worker and to Susan Prior for her excellence and professionalism in editing and proofreading . See her work on her website : write-now . com . au . Dr Peter Gibilsco blogs at petergibilisco . wordpress . com on issues related to disability .
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