112 Life Without Conflict
Dadashri : You have to caution him , but you must know how to speak . Because you do not know how to speak , you end up doing it through your ego . It is simply that you do not know how to interact , that you end up doing so through your ego . And that is why you must do pratikraman afterwards . When you try to caution or correct the other person , he is bound to feel hurt , but if you keep doing pratikraman for it , several months down the road , the speech that will emanate from you will be appealing to the other person . Currently you will need ‘ tested ’ speech . You do not have the right to utter ‘ untested speech ’. If you do pratikraman in this manner , then no matter what , everything will work out .
Not On Talking Terms Increases Conflict
Questioner : Is it possible to dissipate conflict by not speaking to the other person ?
Dadashri : No , it is not possible . You should speak to the other person if you encounter them . You should ask how he is doing . If the other person reacts with hostility , you should quietly try to resolve the situation with equanimity . You will have to resolve the situation , sooner or later . Just because you do not speak to the other person , does not mean that the problem has been resolved . It is because the problem has not been resolved that people end up not speaking to each other . Not speaking to the other person means there is a burden of the unresolved conflict . You should approach the other person and say , “ Tell me if I have done something wrong . I make a lot of mistakes . You are a very intelligent person , you are learned and you do not make many mistakes . I however , am not as learned and so I make a lot of mistakes .” If you say this to other person , he will be appeased .
Questioner : What if he does not calm down even after I say this ?