14BB AN INDEPENDENT SUPPLEMENT BY MIA MEDIA & COMMUNICATIONS GROUP TO THE SUN SENTINEL FRIDAY , MAY 5 , 2017
MEDIATION / ARBITRATION
By : Stanley Zamor
Stanley Zamor Mediator & Arbitrator
Power is perceived . And when li�ga�on opponents are engaged in nego�a�ons , they tend to nego�ate from their posi�on of perceived power . But are the posi�ons of power some�mes imbalanced ? And if they are imbalanced , how can there be any fair nego�a�ons ?
We ’ ve all heard about the biblical story of David and Goliath . Or the statement that , “ You can ’ t fight City Hall …” Both illustrate one party being perceived weaker than their opponent , yet , we know how
CAREER LEADERSHIP & DEVELOPMENT
By : Mary V Davids
Mary V . Davids D & M Consul�ng Services , LLC .
Although many people mix the two , being a leader and having power are different . Having power is a form of authority or someone who has access to resources they use to influence change . Whereas leadership is about the characteris�cs one holds , such as being empathe�c , mo�va�onal or understanding to one ’ s needs . “ Leading without power is an influence . Having power without leadership is a danger .” – Mary V . Davids
An Alterna�ve to Li�ga�on : Addressing the Imbalance of Power in Media�on
David beat Goliath eventually become a King , and that City Hall has lost , a lot . Media�on is conducted under various principles . One such principle is that a mediator has a duty to manage the imbalance of power and facilitate a process of nego�a�ons where the par�es feel empowered . Media�on is one of the only processes where a person without legal representa�on , can actually find themselves in fair nego�a�on against an army of lawyers .
The Imbalance of Power : What ’ s the Big Deal ?
Ok , so let ’ s be honest . We deal with the imbalance of power all the �me and all day . Whether it is your boss changing your shi� or demanding you to stay later to complete a project , or the home associa�on raising the HOA dues . We deal with power imbalances all the �me and some�mes there is a need for the imbalance of power . However , when we want to find ourselves in li�ga�on nego�a�ons , we o�en seek to have a level playing field .
O�en , even if we are in a posi�on that is not favorable , with far less resources than our opponent , we s�ll want to be treated with respect and considera�on . When a perceived weaker party is treated with respect , they o�en are willing to nego�ate , even if they have far less resources to nego�ate with . When a skilled mediator is able to address power imbalances , by empowering the par�es , li�ga�on opponents feel more at ease to resolve the ma�er amicably .
How Mediators Manage the Imbalance of Power ?
There are various techniques and tools available to a skilled mediator when addressing the imbalance of power during a media�on . A few are as follows : A high level of communica�on skills ( both verbal / nonverbal ); a strong awareness of the human condi�on , being crea�ve and thinking out of the box ; a keen ability / �ming to know when to “ reality-check ” the disputants and the explora�on of needs vs wants . Although there are many other techniques , different mediators have different styles that dictate what they may use .
Three Powerful Leadership Tools You ’ re Not Using Enough
If you ’ ve been following poli�cs lately , you ’ ve likely witnessed firsthand how dangerous someone having power while lacking good leadership skills can be . Good leaders make decisions with their hearts , while those who have power and are not leaders make decisions using tangible tools , lacking considera�on for the people they are responsible for serving .
Here are three powerful tools you can use to ensure you have the right balance while leading .
1 . Adding a li�le honey
Become a friend before you are a cri�c . Many leaders are so focused on the end result that they overlook the preliminary ingredient to influence others to change their minds . Start every conversa�on of correc�on with a posi�ve statement . Acknowledge the great things others have done . Congratulate their work , efforts or par�cipa�on . A�er doing this , they are more likely to be open to protec�ng that image by considering your sugges�ons . Ask for their ideas and you may find you share the same solu�on without having to say a word . “ A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall ” – Lincoln
2 . If you are wrong , admit it quickly and insistently .
If you know you ’ re going to be cri�qued and condemned anyway , why not beat them to the punch ? Say of yourself all the things you know the other person is thinking even before they get the chance . Try it and I ’ m certain you ’ ll find people are more forgiving of your mistake , even minimizing it as to avoid kicking you while you ’ re down . It ’ s tough to argue with those with whom you agree . Good leaders don ’ t have big egos .
3 . Let them talk . When dealing with complaints , it ’ s more effec�ve to listen than it is to speak . When people are upset , they just want to vent . When they vent to you , their leader , it ’ s important to note , they are only asking for you to understand ( and acknowledge that you understand , too ). If you quickly jump in to disagree or defend , you ’ ve lost them . Doing this is dangerous and it
Now What ? Now that you know , that one of a mediator ’ s du�es is to address imbalance of power , be frank when you hire a mediator and ask , “ How will you address the imbalance of power when we mediate ?”
Although the mediator facilitates the process , the process belongs to the par�es , and they have right to feel empowered during the en�re media�on .
Stanley Zamor is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit / Family / County Mediator & Primary Trainer and Qualified Arbitrator . Mr . Zamor serves on several federal and state mediation / arbitration rosters and has a private mediation and ADR consulting company where he mediates / arbitrates and facilitates workshops . He regularly lectures on a variety of topics from ethics , cross-cultural issues , diversity , bullying , and Family / Business relationships . szamor @ i-mediateconsulting . com www . i-mediateconsulting . com www . LinkedIn . com / in / stanleyzamoradr ( 954 ) 261-8600
prevents them from expressing the frustra�on they desperately need to share . Be pa�ent and encourage them to fully speak . Most people just want to be heard .
You can always tell the difference between a bad leader and a powerful leader . A bad leader , although having power can have control of any room if those within the room feel unable to defeat them ; but a good and powerful leader can influence an en�re room without making anyone feel inferior . The bad leader will create change by fear , while the good leader will influence change by desire . To be a good leader , an effec�ve leader , those around you must have their own desire to do what you need them to do . That is the essence of powerful leadership .
Mary V . Davids is an Executive Career & Leadership Development Coach and Owner of D & M Consulting Services , LLC . For career tips and advice visit www . marydavids . com or email info @ marydavids . com .