in the Luther Unit of the Texas Department
of Corrections (prison). We had been asked
to work with capital offenders between the
ages of 17-21 in a leadership skills program
that was a pilot for the system. I had spent
the first day going over the neuroscience of
the brain and what causes “amygdala hijack-
ings” and, in their cases, led to their being
in prison. The second day was very stormy
with heavy rains in the forecast as I drove up.
We began with a review of the previous les-
sons on how the brain works and the effects
of stress and threat on our response systems.
That’s when a tornado hit the prison. The
lights, power, backup generators, locks and
everything electronic failed. I was in a room
with 27 capital offenders by myself.
Now, I have a question we should all con-
sider. How safe are you in the relationships
you have around you? Have you done what
you can do to build the best relationships you
can... no matte r who it is with? So, let me tell
you what happened.
One of the guys asked, “Mr. Flip, are you
okay?” I quickly responded, “I’m not afraid
of the dark so I’m all right.” We all laughed
as they knew they were talking about my
being with them in a totally black room with
no guards. While we sat there discussing
what was going on, a riot broke out in an-
other part of the prison. Fifty people went to
the hospital that day.
Another question: Do you think there
were guards in the prison that day that were
very much at risk? The resounding answer
was yes. And, the reason is simple; they had
little or no appropriate relationship with the
inmates. In several scenarios, a few of them
had been unduly harsh and abusive.
In the most dangerous scenarios, in war,
prisons, schools, businesses and in every
arena we all work, the defining characteris-
tic of safety is the relationship we have with
those around us (On Killing, Dave Gross-
man). Every psychological researcher and
author of note speaks clearly and compel-
lingly about the need for trust and psycho-
logical and emotional safety in individuals
and groups. This is not a difficult term to
grasp. The question is how can we create that
environment in our schools. That is what the
little boy. She needs a “Bigger Clicker” and
not an excuse for her lack of depth and abil-
ity to love him and tend to the need she has
inside. There are few institutions today that
have as much access to children as educators
and have the opportunity to model appro-
priate behaviors. As educators, we are their
path to a successful, hope-filled life. If any-
one is positioned to provide socio-emotional
equity to children, it’s educators. We can do
it by creating an intentional culture aligned
to socio-emotional, academic and psycho-
logical safety outcomes.
“One of the guys asked,
“Mr. Flip, are you okay?”
I quickly responded, “I’m
not afraid of the dark so I’m
all right.”
Flippen Group does, and our supporting re-
search is compelling.
We can travel the world and stay totally
wired to anyone, anywhere, yet we are with-
out deep meaningful relationships in un-
precedented numbers, which presents an
amazing opportunity. Yes, we can complain
about the situation, but I have never found
that to be helpful. I remember this old cow-
boy saying, “The deepest manure ultimately
becomes the best fertilizer.” This is an op-
portunity for us to grow each other. If kids
come to us traumatized, disconnected, bro-
ken, alone, and despondent, then please tell
me who is better than parents and teachers
to be the ones to fill those gaps and heal
those hurts? The challenge is actually di-
rected more to educators because statistics
show that we spend more time with kids
than their parents.
Kids want to be with adults that like
them, love them, challenge them, encour-
age them, affirm and celebrate them. All of
us want to be with these people. Even when
we are disciplined or corrected we want it to
come from someone who has our best inter-
ests at heart. I recently heard a teacher say
that she just didn’t “click” with a particular
Cultures in the classroom, the board-
room, on a plane or anywhere else are de-
fined by the collective behaviors of the
people within them. If you want to “create”
a culture (remember there is one, whether
intentionally created or not), then you do it
through behaviors. This is also true if you
are working to change a culture. The more
variability you have in behaviors the more
variability you will have in outcomes. We
all know what a great culture feels like on
a campus; you can see it and feel it within
minutes of being there. This is the result
of intentional behaviors that are aligned,
practiced, supported and accepted. There is
a need to clarify a point here: If you allow
or ignore an unacceptable behavior, then it
becomes acceptable. If we tolerate the intol-
erable and accept the unacceptable then we
can’t complain about the outcomes; we are
the ones who created them.
When developing a culture, it’s impor-
tant to understand the underlying theories
that impact our efforts. For instance, Albert
Bandura, social cognitive theorist, posits ap-
proximately 70percent of all learning is from
modeling (Bandura, 1986). This is especially
true for younger children. For those of us
who have raised kids, we’ve seen this played
out watching them mimic our voice tone,
body language and facial expressions in role
plays. However, if children are exposed to
conflicting signals from parents and/or in-
appropriate modeling by adult supervisors,
it can create cognitive dissonance. We have
known cognitive dissonance outcomes since
1957 when Leon Festinger first referenced
and defined the term in his book “A Theory
of Cognitive Dissonance” (Festinger, 1957).
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