Leadership magazine May/June 2019 V48 No. 5 | Page 19

vey that found that women spend 16 minutes perfecting every selfie which summed to a staggering use of five hours a week. It’s all about image. As a society, we often still hold up the image of the “great man (or woman)” leader who seems to have been born and destined for greatness and leader- ship. That is not my story. No one who knew me as a child, teenager, or twenty-some- thing would have predicted I would end up where I am today. Mine is a messy compli- cated story of paths that twist and branch, of barriers, obstacles and overcoming and perpetual becoming. Maybe yours is too. Remember we’re unique – like everyone else. Our leadership and life stories hold prom- ise and power. According to a blog post by executive coach Jim Laughlin, the power in these stories is ‘their ability to create power- ful personal connections, to build trust, to reveal our character, our dreams and inten- tions, to draw others to our causes and en- deavors”. When we tell our story we show vulnerability and openness and we create community and connection. We also give other people permission to be real and vul- nerable and to show up fully as well. The gift of imperfection and the acknowledgement of it through sharing our authentic story builds trust and relational capacity. So what keeps us from sharing our leader- ship journey and our life stories? It may start with the idea of image and perfection we’ve discussed. Our internal critic and governor want to edit the stories to fit the image of ourselves we’ve created. On a basic level, just like when we were young, we don’t want to look foolish. Two messages that women in particular seem to toggle between is “not good enough” and “who do you think you are”. In terms of sharing our stories we tell ourselves that no one will be interested, that our story doesn’t matter, we may go to the other end of the continuum and think that people will think that we are too full of ourselves. It takes courage to recognize these competing voices, to push back against them, and step out and into your authentic self – and sharing your story in its quirky twisting fullness will bring you closer to others and to yourself. A story I sometimes share is about my childhood. When I was a child we lived I believe one of the most important messages we should be giving everyone in our organization is that no matter where they are in the organization or hierarchy, their contribution matters, what they do makes a difference and who they are as a person is valued. in a variety of places. We moved around a lot – no really, a lot. By the time I was in middle school we had moved over a dozen times, sometimes simply changing neigh- borhoods but usually moving to new towns, new schools, and new communities. We didn’t have very much and by that I mean we were poor by any measure. Our clothes were hand-me-downs, church clothes closet items, or from the Salvation Army. I was very self-conscious because I was always the new girl and being that I had achieved a height of 5’ 8” (and growing) by the time I was in 3rd or 4th grade I couldn’t exactly hide (although I tried). As a 7th grader I can vividly remember walking down the hallway, trying desperately to blend in or be invisible, when a group of girls confronted me so that the leader could tell me that I was wearing her cast offs and she could prove it by the unique repair that had been done to fix a hole. As a 12-year-old girl, I was sure that the ground should open and swallow me up because the shame was overwhelm- ing. Clearly, I survived and the ground or the shame did not swallow me and as I write this many years later I can be grateful for the experience. Grateful, you may be think- ing? Yes, grateful. My childhood, of which I have only shown you a glimpse, was a great teacher. Today when I walk on one of our school campuses I see it through the eyes of the girl I have just described and it gives me insight and compassion and sensitivity and with this I can help create welcoming, safe and nurturing experiences for all students. While the way that we weave stories of our journey throughout our leadership and with our authentic voice builds our connec- tions, research suggests there are also some specific types of stories leaders tell that cre- ate impact. According to a 2015 Forbes ar- ticle by David Sturt, great leaders tell four kinds of stories; a founding story, a pivotal story, a teamwork story and a great work story. The founding story is a company’s be- ginning or brand - what they stand for and it creates motivation and engagement. The pivotal story tells the story of an event or events and how the organization managed to change and transform, learn and come through the other side. Teamwork stories are just that, stories of phenomenal ways a team came together and the power of syn- ergy and the outcome. Lastly, the great work story is about recognizing individuals whose achievement or performance deserves rec- ognition and elevation – and in the telling, elevating everyone who hears it. You may not have recognized them by these names but these stories are all around you and are waiting for you to use them with intention and impact. Stories, no matter how you label them, are a pivotal leadership competency. We in the United States are living in a time where our basic material needs are generally met and our employees are looking for more than a paycheck – they are looking for belonging, significance and contribution. I am con- vinced that as leaders our greatest role is the role of meaning-maker for the people in our organization. According to Daniel Pink, “The only thing that will really motivate people is that which gives them deep mean- ing and purpose in their jobs and their lives May | June 2019 19