Young love by Sarah Tolmie
Before you read any further I must invite you into a promise that you will NOT share this article with my sons , they will be mortified ! So I share this only with you , dear readers .
Now I know I might be biased but I have to say I have two gorgeous , handsome , kind , smart , hardworking , respectful sons and so it was only a matter of time before they would attract the attention of the opposite sex .
Master 16 , son no . 2 has a girlfriend . They have just had a milestone anniversary of a whole month .
As mothers of sons we can often get cast into a classic villainous archetype where we can be feared and expected to occupy the stance that “ no girl is good enough for my son !” Well not this mum . I am thrilled and delighted . She is lovely and she is bringing out the very best in the young man . I have high hopes she will succeed where we have failed for more than five years and that is inspire him to have a haircut !
It ’ s a beautiful thing to watch him unfurl and stand tall with even more confidence and manliness . I can see he is happier , brighter and chattier … that is , when I do get to see him now that even less time is spent at home . But that is a good thing . More time walking the beach and meeting at the park and finding activities to share means less time on screens . Yay !
First love can be a wonderful rite of passage to bloom into and it ’ s been a tender experience to watch these two lovebirds from the sidelines gush , flush and dissolve into mush . It takes me back to the fond memory of my own first love , the intoxicating , all consuming desire . And then I also remember the painful , world-ending break-ups and then many frogs before I found my prince .
And so it hasn ’ t been all roses in the background as we have had to revive the ‘ parental ’ lectures regarding safety , respect , consent and privacy . Approaching ‘ coming of age ’ milestones has meant negotiating new expectations around commitments to work and school . It has activated new fears about his emotional wellbeing should things get rocky and confusing . “ Oh God please don ’ t let him get a broken heart “ is my secret prayerful mantra .
Having a mum as a ‘ life & love and relationship coach ’ could be both an asset and liability for my son . I ’ d like to think he ’ s getting great counsel , advice and modelling , and yes , he is talking to me about things with a keenness to learn and understand – and yet also – he could also feel the pressure to get it right first time , all the time , which is unfair .
Even so , regardless of the fears and unknowns ahead , I am willing to stretch the umbilical further again , leave him to enjoy his own discoveries and continue to nudge him towards the ultimate goal of releasing him out into the world a completely self-contained individual fully resourced to actualise into his new , important and intimate relationships .
Love is a lifelong endeavour ; a long and winding road of mistakes , doubts and yes , even regrets sometimes . Relationship skills are a cumulative commodity and need constant evolving . We need to always be humble to learn and understand about ourselves and our partners , we need to be willing to upskill and do better . As mother , I am now learning again , as I evolve into this next parenting paradigm .
As for my son , he has a lot to experience and a lot yet to learn , but from what I can see so far , he ’ s doing me proud as a lovely , attentive , mature and respectful boyfriend .
How lucky she is to be loved by my beautiful boy .
Sarah Tolmie is a Life & Love celebrant , coach , pastoral carer and consultant assisting people to celebrate , navigate , grow and heal through all their life & love transitions . Her practice focuses on love & relationships ; families & children ; life success & fulfilment ; illness , death & grief . As an holistic Celebrant Sarah creates profound and meaningful ceremonies for all life & love events . Sarah is also a Laughter Yoga Practitioner . You can visit her website www . sarahtolmie . com . au and receive her Daily Love updates on her Facebook page at Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love
38 KIDZ ON THE COAST