What I want my child to know
by Leanna McNeil
I
wish I could tell you that being true to yourself is easy and that as long as you speak out loud what is in your heart , you will be supported and understood .
Unfortunately that hasn ’ t been my experience as I have found that even if you take your time to find the right words , breathe deeply to centre yourself and take time to speak your feelings carefully to others , they may still not understand you . And that ’ s ok .
My wish for you is that you learn the difference between how others see you and how you see yourself , because let me assure you , some days there will be a big gap between the two .
It ’ s on those days that I want you to imagine my big arms are wrapped around you and my loving voice is in your ear and I am reminding you , that you have a true heart , a brave heart and it is your job , your vocation , to live your life compassionately .
It is your duty to learn to have your own back and to be able to tell yourself that you are doing the best you can on any given day .
It is your responsibility to speak kindly to yourself as you would a good friend because you are the best friend you will ever have , and the one constant companion you will hang out with for your entire life , start to finish . This relationship is worth cultivating .
The balance is in receiving yourself with compassion and receiving others in the same way , as sometimes they clash . Someone may want you to do something for them , that you feel you just can ’ t do . They may misunderstand you and believe that you are not supporting them . This is a tug of war that doesn ’ t have a clear winner so my advice is this : learn to
hold the balance between what someone wants and needs you to be vs what you need you to be . This line can and will most definitely get blurry , possibly even with me , your mum . The best advice I can give is let your body discern what is true for you , regardless of what the outside world says .
Receiving feedback about yourself or something you ’ ve done that doesn ’ t match how you feel you are , can feel scary and painful . I have practice in this myself , and I have found that every situation is unique but what has been consistent is that when the feedback feels like it ’ s accurate , I will have a physical sensation inside my tummy that tells me that yes ; this could be true about me . It ’ s like my body agrees even if I don ’ t really want to hear it , I recognise the truth of it . That is actually an empowering place to be because with awareness comes choice and the opportunity for ownership followed by change .
Other times I have received feedback that as much as I felt pressured to receive it and own it for myself ; I just couldn ’ t because it just didn ’ t feel right in my body . I didn ’ t recognise it as my truth . I imagine that when we do find and claim forgotten parts of ourselves , there is a moment of recognition that tells us that yes , this is us .
I imagine that sometimes you will need to be able to walk alone , understanding that you can ’ t please everyone . Other times , you may sense that you have an opportunity for personal growth and change and have an opportunity to step up in a relationship and be a better person .
So many times in my life , I have felt confused and shaky about decisions I have made and if they were the ‘ right ’ ones . What helps me in those moments to feel I am on solid ground , is I imagine that I am back in the moment that has past , and I relive the way I felt then . If I can get clear how I felt , I can stand solid and grounded on the truth that for whatever reason , I made a choice , and I ’ d make it again , given the same circumstances . Then you may need to accept and surrender to what unfolds from those decisions . Small decisions may have big ripples in your life . And that ’ s ok .
Stand strong in your truth , be the first to apologise when you ’ re in the wrong , and learn how to own what is truly yours and to hand back anything that isn ’ t . And acquire the wisdom to know the difference . I call that wisdom my gut instinct . It will never lead me astray . The times that I haven ’ t listened to it , always ended badly . End of story . I love you .
Leanna McNeil offers psychotherapy , holistic counselling , energetic healing , intuitive remedial massage and cupping and transformational bodywork out of her gorgeous centre Sana Wellness at Erina Hts . When she isn ’ t in private practice she is passionately facilitating wellness retreats with Wellness Bootcamp , Ontrack and Women ’ s Wellness Retreats . Ph : 0424 098 913
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