On the Coast – Families Issue 95 I August/September 2018 | Page 33

like, “ok honey one more swing then no more,’ whilst holding up one finger, that way your toddler is also getting a visual of what you would like. A timer on your phone works well for your older toddler too, explain to your toddler that you are setting the timer for 5 more minutes and when it rings it will be time to go. 4 Consequences for their actions As parents, we can quickly react instead of respond. An example of reacting rather then responding is you as their parent snatching the texta away because they were drawing on the coffee table and then giving them an automatic punishment in the form of a ‘time out.’ What is punishment teaching your toddler? ‘My parents are always yelling and punishing me. Why should I do what they want?’ Whereas consequences such as you getting down to their level and saying calmly “Honey I have asked you not to draw on the table and only on paper, if you do it again I’ll have to take all of the textas away?” If your toddler draws on the coffee table again, get down on their level and repeat “Ok, I just told you not to draw on the coffee table, I’m going to have to take all of the textas away.” Your toddler learns from consequences that “I make mistakes, but my parents always understand,” “My parents mean what they say.” 5 Empathy/Emotional Intelligence “Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own feelings and the feelings of others. Our emotional intelligence is linked to children being more sociable,cooperative, optimistic and better able to problem solve.” (parent4success.com) We can teach our children to develop their emotional intelligence by helping them to name their feelings, “you look upset?” We can also help them to talk more openly about how they are feeling, “and how did that make you feel?” We are teaching them a little more control for themselves over their BIG feelings. When we as adults feel heard and understood and our partner can paraphrase our feelings back to us such as “oh honey, it sounds like you’ve had a rough day, having sick kids is exhausting,” this alone is a valuable tool for connection within your relationship, this same sort of reconnection can also happen for your child and parent relationship too, especially whilst they are acting out. I truly believe that having empathy for our children in times of struggle allow us the space to really ‘see them.’ Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. (Wikipedia) I don’t know about you, but I struggle at times to understand completely all three of our unique, individual daughters’ feelings. I struggle to hold them amongst a pool of tears and screaming because they’ve lost their favourite toy (even though I know they haven’t even started looking for it and it’s right there on top of their bed!!) I struggle to allow them this space to cry, because I feel the urge to ‘fix’ it straight away. Is that the nurse in me? Or the mum? I’m slowly unfurling these triggers for me. I’m slowly learning to lean in to them a little more throughout the tears and the screaming. I’m slowly realising that with these moments, this type of reconnection comes with empathy. 6 Hug it out We ALWAYS hug it out!! As frustrating as it is mid meltdown and it could very well be the last thing you feel like doing, majority of the time a simple hug can soften both of your resolve and make for a very easy but beautiful first step in reconnection with your little one. You see, your toddler may not want you to ‘fix’ their problem after all. The ‘problem’ might not even need fixing. Maybe all your child needs is a sounding board – someone to talk to and someone to listen to them with their whole heart. Be their someone. Be that person for your child. Because even the ‘little’ things in life can become the ‘bigger’ things. With love, safety, security and connection in these foundation years you can lay down the importance of emotional and communicative groundwork to help your child grow soundly. Everyday our children offer us up an invitation to slow down. It’s a daily invitation to appreciate the beauty in their everyday. When we are present with them within their simple moments, parenting our toddler becomes some kind of magic. Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse. A mama of three beautiful daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively. Nikki is the founder of Earthway Parenting andhas developed and is facilitating Post Partum Care and Tuning into your Toddler Workshops. Nikki also provides in home, one on one consultations according to the unique needs of your family focusing on gentle parenting for your infant and/or toddler. You can find more information here www.earthwayparenting.com.au No time for social media? Email [email protected] or call 0406 704 282 to discuss how we can help your business AUGUST/SEPTEMBER – ISSUE 95 33