On the Coast – Families Issue 95 I August/September 2018 | Page 33
like, “ok honey one more swing then no
more,’ whilst holding up one finger, that
way your toddler is also getting a visual
of what you would like. A timer on your
phone works well for your older toddler
too, explain to your toddler that you are
setting the timer for 5 more minutes and
when it rings it will be time to go.
4
Consequences for their actions
As parents, we can quickly react
instead of respond. An example of
reacting rather then responding is you
as their parent snatching the texta away
because they were drawing on the coffee
table and then giving them an automatic
punishment in the form of a ‘time out.’
What is punishment teaching your
toddler? ‘My parents are always yelling
and punishing me. Why should I do what
they want?’
Whereas consequences such as you
getting down to their level and saying
calmly “Honey I have asked you not to
draw on the table and only on paper, if
you do it again I’ll have to take all of the
textas away?” If your toddler draws on
the coffee table again, get down on their
level and repeat “Ok, I just told you not
to draw on the coffee table, I’m going to
have to take all of the textas away.” Your
toddler learns from consequences that
“I make mistakes, but my parents always
understand,” “My parents mean what
they say.”
5
Empathy/Emotional Intelligence
“Emotional intelligence is the ability
to understand your own feelings and
the feelings of others. Our emotional
intelligence is linked to children being
more sociable,cooperative, optimistic
and better able to problem solve.”
(parent4success.com)
We can teach our children to develop
their emotional intelligence by helping
them to name their feelings, “you look
upset?” We can also help them to talk
more openly about how they are feeling,
“and how did that make you feel?”
We are teaching them a little more
control for themselves over their BIG
feelings. When we as adults feel heard
and understood and our partner can
paraphrase our feelings back to us such as
“oh honey, it sounds like you’ve had a
rough day, having sick kids is exhausting,”
this alone is a valuable tool for connection
within your relationship, this same sort of
reconnection can also happen for your
child and parent relationship too,
especially whilst they are acting out.
I truly believe that having empathy
for our children in times of struggle allow
us the space to really ‘see them.’
Empathy: the ability to understand and
share the feelings of another. (Wikipedia)
I don’t know about you, but I struggle
at times to understand completely
all three of our unique, individual
daughters’ feelings. I struggle to hold
them amongst a pool of tears and
screaming because they’ve lost their
favourite toy (even though I know they
haven’t even started looking for it and
it’s right there on top of their bed!!)
I struggle to allow them this space
to cry, because I feel the urge to ‘fix’ it
straight away. Is that the nurse in me?
Or the mum? I’m slowly unfurling these
triggers for me.
I’m slowly learning to lean in to them
a little more throughout the tears and the
screaming. I’m slowly realising that with
these moments, this type of reconnection
comes with empathy.
6
Hug it out
We ALWAYS hug it out!! As
frustrating as it is mid meltdown and it
could very well be the last thing you
feel like doing, majority of the time a
simple hug can soften both of your
resolve and make for a very easy but
beautiful first step in reconnection with
your little one.
You see, your toddler may not want
you to ‘fix’ their problem after all. The
‘problem’ might not even need fixing.
Maybe all your child needs is a sounding
board – someone to talk to and someone
to listen to them with their whole heart.
Be their someone. Be that person for
your child. Because even the ‘little’ things
in life can become the ‘bigger’ things.
With love, safety, security and
connection in these foundation years
you can lay down the importance
of emotional and communicative
groundwork to help your child grow
soundly.
Everyday our children offer us up
an invitation to slow down. It’s a daily
invitation to appreciate the beauty in
their everyday. When we are present
with them within their simple moments,
parenting our toddler becomes some kind
of magic.
Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse. A mama of three beautiful
daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively. Nikki is the founder of
Earthway Parenting andhas developed and is facilitating Post Partum Care and Tuning into your Toddler
Workshops. Nikki also provides in home, one on one consultations according to the unique needs of your
family focusing on gentle parenting for your infant and/or toddler. You can find more information here
www.earthwayparenting.com.au
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AUGUST/SEPTEMBER – ISSUE 95
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