Six ways to gentle discipline and reconnection with your toddler
If you are a parent or if you have ever interacted with children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years , then you most likely have witnessed many of the milestone behaviours within autonomy versus shame and doubt stage from Erik Erikson ’ s stage of psychosocial development .
Matters such as wanting to dress themselves , feed themselves with their fingers , you may have even struggled to hold them whilst they scream into your chest that they can ’ t and won ’ t find their drink bottle ( even though you know that they haven ’ t even started looking for it and it ’ s on the kitchen bench !).
It is at this point in development that young children will begin to express a greater need for independence and control over themselves as well as the world around them .
As parents , your ultimate goal is to raise children to thrive , not just survive .
You want them to enjoy meaningful relationships with themselves as well as others . You want them to feel good about who they are .
Let ’ s be honest , toddlers are impulsive , they ’ re rigid and they ’ re learning !
Using empathy and understanding , by putting yourselves in their shoes , treating them as you would want to be treated – I believe , these are the first steps in creating a more harmonious relationship .
According to Erikson , children at this stage are focused on developing a greater sense of self-control .
Your toddler at this age is gradually wanting and yearning for an increase in their independence , they want greater control over what they are doing and how they are going to do it . Toddlers that are in the thick of this developmental stage will often feel the need to do EVERYTHING independently !
Things such as picking out their own clothes , deciding what they will and won ’ t
by Nikki Smith
eat , toys and games that they want to play . This can create SO much frustration for many parents just like you !! And understandably so , you want your toddler to look super CUTE but instead they look like a red-hot MESS ! The simple fact is , this is not only an important milestone in development for your little one , but an essential one . Your toddler is developing their personality even further , they are creating their own unique sense of style all whilst creating personal autonomy . For toddlers who thrive within this stage it is mostly due to parental understanding and support , they will feel secure and confident as individuals , while those toddlers who don ’ t will tend to have little sense of ‘ freedom ’ and feel a sense of inadequacy , maybe even selfdoubt . As parents , it is important to know that it is OK to let go and allow your little one to develop their own sense of ‘ style ’ or to eat with their fingers ! After all it is part of the fun of being little enough to ‘ get away with it !’
Below are SIX ways to Gentle discipline and reconnection whilst being in the thick of this fascinating but also at times , frustrating developmental stage !
1Choose your battles
For us as parents it could be something as simple as choosing an outfit for the day , but if they decide to change it up and wear mismatched clothing then they are establishing their own personal autonomy and we are simply there to help them express their creativity !
Of course , there are non-negotiables such as wearing their seatbelt but that ’ s ok if they want to help click the seatbelt in , again you ’ re dodging a bullet aka a meltdown BUT they ’ re strengthening their sense of autonomy ! It ’ s win win !
2Give two options but it has the same outcome This is one of the simplest and easiest tips for parenting throughout difficult toddler behaviour . In giving your toddler two options with the same outcome it will help make your toddler feel more in control . Meanwhile , you are also getting them to agree to what you would like done . For example , “ would you like some help to put on your shoes or mama can put them on ?” or “ This outfit or this one ?” you could even use this for dinner time , try presenting the same dinner but in two different ways !
Same result for you but it looks different to your little one !
3Try to give warnings and use a timer
How would you feel if you were mid conversation with a girlfriend and your partner suddenly started to usher you away or worse picked you up and carried you out the door all whilst saying “ we are leaving NOW !” I think it ’ s safe to say that the conversation that would ensue would be more like a huge argument and I don ’ t think you would feel respected . Your toddler feels the same way when you drag them out of a park without fore warning . I will tend to say something
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