On the Coast – Families Issue 95 I August/September 2018 | Page 29
Children who
When can imaginary friends be a
development of empathy.
Children sometimes
are sociable and
concern?
Children sometimes
blame their imaginary
create an imaginary
friend for their
For a few children having an
imaginative or are the
friend to cope with a
behaviour and will
imaginary friend can be a sign of an
oldest or only child in
change (changing
easily blame “Oreo”
underlying issue and they might need
a family tend to have
house or a change in
or “Flower girl” for
professional help.
the family). Imaginary
throwing all the toys
If you observe the following in your
imaginary friends
friends can help
on the floor or
child, it might be an indicatio n that
more so than other
children to self-soothe
splashing the paint
you need to look further into it.
children
when they feel scared and
against the
Your child only interacts with the
can also help them to explore
wall. Encourage your child
imaginary friend and no-one else.
their world. Although children can
to clean up the mess themselves
(This can also lead to language and
have vivid experiences of their imaginary
and keep them accountable for their own
socialising problems);
friend and it may feel real to them, they
behaviour. It can turn into a very
Your child believes that their imaginary
are usually able to differentiate between
tiresome game if you are cleaning your
friend is real with no room for the fact
fantasy and reality and know that their
child’s mess for them or letting the
that it is pretend or a fantasy;
imaginary friend is just pretend. This
imaginary friend boss you around.
Your child’s imaginary friend tells him
ability to distinguish between what is real
When your child’s imaginary friend
to keep secrets;
and what is pretend is usually evident
scares him, don’t engage in his fantasy by
You child is scared of the imaginary
from the age of three.
telling him you have scared the
friend.
imaginary friend away. Your child may
be experiencing a real feeling of fear.
Breathing exercises:
How do I respond to my child’s
Acknowledge the fact that he is feeling
When you teach breathing exercises to
imaginary friend?
scared but not that that their scary
your children you give them a valuable
There is no need to shy away from
invisible friend is real. Make sure they
tool they can use for the rest of their
joining in the world of your child’s
understand that this is just their
lives. A fun way to teach children
invisible friend. It is important that
imagination and encourage them to think
about breathing is to let them blow a
they understand that you are accepting
of something in the here and now to
pinwheel. Teach them to inhale slowly
of their invisible friend. Kissing your
refocus them or help them do a calming
through their nose and then release the
daughter’s friend good night or making
activity like a breathing exercise. It is also
breath through their mouth and let the
space for “Snoopy” on the couch, if
helpful to teach your child a grounding
air slowly spin the wheel for as long as
your child asks you to do so, can be fun.
exercise they can use in times like this.
possible. Let them repeat it for 5 times.
Embrace this moment of child led play
This may include playing games like eye
You can also let your child blow bubbles
but don’t control her imaginary friend or
spy or counting objects around them.
in the same way.
try to take over. Discover as much as you
can from your child’s invisible friend,
you may learn some interesting things
Lindie Nell has a Master’s degree in Social Work. She is a trained Attachment therapist and Play
therapist. Lindie specialises in working with children who have experienced trauma and attachment
about your child’s wishes, fears and
difficulties. Lindie also works with children with anxiety, behavioural problems and self-esteem issues
experiences. Asking your child to draw
as well as supporting parents in their parenting. Contact Lindie on 0424 882 013, or visit her
their pretend friend could also enable
Facebook page Lindie Nell (Child Therapist Central Coast)
interesting discussions and discoveries.
AUGUST/SEPTEMBER – ISSUE 95
29