Connection begins at birth by Nikki Smith
The first rooting for your breast .
The first time you lay eyes on each other . The first time you hear them cry and wail . The first opportunity for you to meet their needs , to give them you ... Gentle beginnings are essential for your confidence as a mama & for the trust to develop between yourself & your infant . Newborns are connecting from the very start .
Those first exhausting , yet exhilarating weeks post partum . They leave you breathless , exhausted , sore . Your days are filled with sweet smiles and never ending cries . Moments that take your breath away and moments that leave you with dread . The days are long but the nights are longer . These are the days , the moments , the hours , this is when you embrace the opportunity to establish a foundation of trust . With this solid foundation love grows , as does a healthy relationship between you and your infant .
Human babies are born immature . Dr Howard Chilton a renowned Australian Pediatrician has stated that “ They have very little if any ‘ working memory ’ and the thinking , planning , evaluating part of their brain is not yet connected up .”
Young babies do not understand that their identity is separate from their mothers , this is known as the fourth trimester . “ The concept of a fourth trimester , drawn from maternal nursing and midwifery , refers to the crucial three to six month period after birth when many of the physical , psychological , emotional , and social effects of pregnancy continue . Giving this concept legal relevance extends the scope of pregnancy beyond the narrow period defined by conception , gestation , and birth and acknowledges that pregnancy is a relational process , not an individual event .” Saru M . Matambanadzo Associate Professor of Law , Tulane University Law School .
Throughout your infants time in the womb he is nourished , warm , jostled and rocked about . He wants for nothing . He feels safe and is bundled up tightly , always feeling cuddled . He hears your heartbeat , the sounds of your body digesting your food , he hears sounds and voices that surround you , he hears you and your partners voice . At birth your baby has developed enough to experience life in this enormously far less sheltered world . At their moment of birth there is already a radical change from a wet environment to a dry one . There is a change in temperature , a switch over to baby needing to develop the ability to breath on his own , and an abrupt change of position from head down to levelling up with the rest of his body . Newborn babies are astounding , they can sustain these changes quickly and efficiently .
Your infant is vulnerable , he is no longer in the womb but needs to be within your arms . When an infant is within arms he is happy , blissful and complete . This is where your connection with him grows . This is where trust will flourish and this is where you will become Mother .
The period immediately following birth is his most impressive part of life outside of his mothers womb . What your baby encounters within these moments is how he will feel that the nature of his life will be . Time and time again with my first newborn babe , it was repeated endlessly to me that I was “ spoiling her by holding her too much ,” “ just let her cry ,” “ you ’ ll spoil her by feeding on demand .” ‘ Spoiling ’ is one of those mindless ideas that gets passed down from generation to generation , even though on the surface it is absolutely ridiculous !
Dr Bob Jacobs the author of “ perfect parents perfect children , changing the world by celebrating our perfection ,” states that “ a newborn baby only asks for what he or she needs . In every species it is the role of the parent ( usually the mother ) to provide what the baby needs . It is only in our species that we question the natural wisdom inherent in this behaviour .”
If you respond to your babies cries you will only teach them good things , like they are loved , that they are important , and that they can trust you .
“ Communication and connection is a process , a relational building block , a result of intentional and responsive parenting .” As quoted by L . R Knost .
Attunement or as I like to call it , intuitive parenting is exactly that , listening to you , the parent , how does it make you feel when your baby is crying ? Is your innate urge to pick her up ? Then do that . Do you feel like your beautiful infant might need some milk ? Then do that too .
Too often we allow other peoples well intentioned advice to course through our brains and imprint its way into our hearts , too often we are googling “ crying baby ” on our smart phones only to forget that we already know the way . We already have that intuitive wisdom inbuilt within us , its in our heads , our hearts , our wombs .
No-one likes to have their communication ignored . How would you feel if you were so upset , stamping your feet , crying , screaming and your partner just left you there , just like that . You would feel angry , hurt , vulnerable and abandoned . This will inevitably damage your relationship will it not ? So why do we as adults feel that that is ok to do that to innocent babies ?
There is no doubt that a babies cry creates stress , as Jean Liedloff wrote in the continuum concept “ A baby ’ s cry is precisely as serious as it sounds .” An infant crying should not be a power struggle it should be thought of as an opportunity to connect . So all babies can grow with a generous capacity for love , connection and trust .
Peace is created from birth . We create imprints in our children within this period of time . Being a parent creates the opportunity to reparent ourselves when we are able to make sense of our own early experiences , we are then able to create what we wanted with our own children . This begins at birth .
Gentle beginnings are essential for your confidence as a mama & for the trust to develop between yourself & your infant . Newborns are connecting from the very start .
Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse . A mama of three beautiful daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively . Nikki is passionate about wholistic post partum care and education , her workshops focus on you feeling empowered , knowledgeable and gaining essential tools for you and your family during the post partum period when bringing your new baby home . Nikki also offers interactive workshops on how you can better “ Tune ” into your Toddler positively and gently . Nikki ’ s workshops are available here on the Central Coast as well as online @ www . earthwayparenting . com . au
36 KIDZ ON THE COAST