Information to be shared: Different stages of going through a crisis
(1) Denial: "This can't be happening to me."
The first reaction when receiving bad news is often not to believe it and to think, "This can't be true" or, "You must be wrong!" or,
"How is it possible?" You might want to wait and test again just to make sure. You might think they tested the wrong blood. After the
initial shock, people's beliefs about HIV start playing a role. HIV is often related to death, suffering and being bad people. After being
diagnosed, most people immediately feel that they are going to die and that they cannot tell anyone. In this stage people recently
diagnosed can feel isolated, because they are afraid of telling their families and friends for fear of rejection.
(2) Anger: "How could you do this to me?"
When realising that the diagnosis is real, people often start to think of how they could have been infected. People become angry with
those who infected them, or they feel guilty about their own actions and feel angry at themselves. Especially women are angry when
their own husbands have infected them and that causes a breakdown in their relationships. Women need to know that anger is a
normal process. When they do not understand why they feel like this, they can take out their anger on anyone and ruin valuable
relationships. They should acknowledge their feelings and express them in an appropriate way.
(3) Bargaining: "Why me, why not someone else?"
People in a crisis usually try to negotiate with doctors, family or God to "buy more time". They ask questions why they were infected
and ask for a miracle to happen to be cured.
(4) Depression
When the denial, the anger and the bargaining come to an end, people realise that they have to face the facts: the illness is real.
Depression is a normal reaction to a serious crisis. It comes from experienced losses, guilt feelings, feelings of hopelessness and shame
for contracting the disease or even spreading it to partners. It is also related to the anticipation of future loss, such as loss of health
and fear and being unsure about the future.
(5) Acceptance: "This is real; I have to deal with it."
After some time and varying emotions, people realise that this is what is happening to them and that they will have to deal with it.
People with HIV often realise after some time that they are still alive and that they can continue to plan and live their lives. Then they
can start to set new goals and to plan for the rest of their lives.
(6) Hope
Finally, hope is a stage that usually persists throughout all of the stages. This stage can be particularly important for individuals with
HIV/Aids, as they can live longer with the right care. Hope and the will to stay alive - thus a healthy mental attitude and focus on
positive things - can enhance someone's immune system.
DISCUSS
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How did the group feel/react when they were given their HIV results?
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Discuss the different stages, and whether members are able to relate to any of them
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Unless the group seems uneasy about the topic, discuss the group's thoughts on death
How to deal with emotions through externalisation
Do a role-play with one of the participants who expressed a specific strong emotion. One of the facilitators can play the role of that
emotion in the person's life. Let the person talk to the emotion and realise what the positive and negative aspects are that the emotion
adds to their lives and how they would like to deal with the emotion to have a positive impact on their lives.
ASSESSMENT
Reflect in the group: What have you learnt from this conversation?
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Children
The KGOLO-MMOGO PROJECT