A Brief Sketch of the #1 Party Scene
by Henry Englert
Congrats. Tonight is the two-month anniversary of when you and
Monica first met. Most of the people you know stop talking altogether
after their casual hook-ups, but you turned one into a two-month relationship. This is good.
It also happens to be Halloween, and you’re dressed as the Old
Spice guy from the commercials. It’s a clever and easy costume – calling
only for a towel and a small red tube of “Matterhorn” to carry around.
It’s flattering too, this costume, because it shows off the arms and shoulders and torso you’ve been working so hard to sculpt, to warp to sizes you
never thought you could ever hope to reach. This is good.
Monica will be here later. She’s going to a top-tier frat with some
of her sisters first. As a part of the lower tier, your house is usually her secondary destination. You don’t blame her for that. Looking at things objectively, she’s in a top-tier sorority and is accustomed to top-tier treatment.
Plus the brothers of your house can be pretty unpleasant if not outright
creepy. Scott “Little Pussy” Lovejoy has mild Asperger’s.
That may be why Halloween is such a lively, high-traffic night for
DTR, not because of Little Pussy or your frat’s collective creepiness, but
because you all get to put on characters that aren’t you – or, in your case,
characters that highlight the best parts of you. Tonight you aren’t wearing
your Delta and Tau and Rho across your chest, Cyrillic letters now synonymous at Trent State with the more entitled, short, spray-tanned type of
guy. (You’ve also heard people say your frat is “pencil-dicked” as a whole,
but how could anyone know that for a fact?) No, tonight you are just the
Old Spice guy. Look confident for a second. Now look unimpressed by
everything. You notice the two looks are kind of similar.
You find you can’t wait for Monica to get here. She’s top tier with
olive-skinned, top tier looks – people are always impressed.
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