head was dizzy, throbbing from his father’s forceful blow and the effects
of the beer. He was still straddling his father, breathing heavily, scared to
move. His father moaned beneath him before shoving him off of his chest and
standing up. He laid on the ground in the fetal position, a position he had
learned to assume whenever possible during one of his father’s abusive tirades.
His eyes squeezed shut, he waited for the impact of the next blow; it never
came. When he peeked out through one eye, he saw his father’s hand extended
towards him, offering him help to his feet. A smile was plastered on his face.
“Get up boy. Have a beer with your old man.” Tossing a beer to him, he
told his son that when his mom got home later in the week and asked how
he lost a tooth, he was to say he had gotten into a fight with a kid down the
street. Almost every night after that until he left for the Army, his father and
he drank a case or two of Milwaukee’s Best and smoked the occasional joint
together.
Having a TOP SECRET security clearance is a privilege, not a
right. He is aware of this and it is why he strives to keep his alcoholism
a secret. To obtain this clearance, he filled out an extensive questionnaire
about all aspects of his professional and personal life. An entire section
of the survey is dedicated to questions regarding illegal drug use and
alcohol consumption. He was able to omit the years he smoked pot
with his dad because it occurred when he was a minor; however, he was
required to include all information regarding his alcohol intake since it
was a habit he continued into his first years in the Army. Fourteen years
ago, when he filled out the paperwork and received his clearance, he was
sober. He had completely given up alcohol at the age of 22 but included
information about his old habit in the paperwork, as required. Having
a clean criminal record, little debt, and no one saying anything adverse
about him, the government gladly issued him the clearance.
In February 2006, after suffering for two years from cirrhosis
of the liver, his dad died. Both of his grandfathers died from the same
disease years earlier and his mother was in the early stages. He had
mostly avoided his parents since he had gotten sober twenty-four years
prior, but the death of his father jolted him back to being a teenager.
He spent the better part of the early eighties on the front porch of his
parents’ house with his father, drinking until they both passed out. It was
15