He kissed me. It was honest and passionate. It was frustrating.
I wanted to bite him. But I just let it the conflicting emotions well up
inside me. He rolled away and stood, simply saying, “Isn’t it better when
you actually feel something? Imagine being in touch with your emotion
all the time, not just when I try to piss you off.”
I stayed still in the grass. There were too many feelings to know
what was what. I sensed rage and heat and passion and peace. And pain.
Physical pain, but pain nonetheless. But it was all flowing through every
part of me. Was this how real emotion felt all the time? “It does feel
better,” I admitted. “But I feel so… vulnerable.” I remembered how it
was to be around him when he was so vulnerable, how it was a testament
of his honesty, and how it spoke volumes on his belief in himself. How it
was rapture, even for me.
“I don’t know how you got it in your mind that that’s a bad thing.
That gives you freedom from thinking too much. And it opens you up…”
He stopped, but it sounded like he had more to say.
“Opens me up?” I thought I knew what he was going to say, but
perhaps he was waiting for me to speak of it first.
He broke eye contact and turned away. “You know, opens you up
to the world around you.” His voice lacked its usual conviction.
Still lying on the ground, I spoke softly, but with certainty and
passion, “Eric, if there’s anyone in the world I’d be okay with being
vulnerable to, it’d be you.” It felt good telling him the truth; I certainly
owed him the truth.
He turned back and flashed his heavenly smile at me. “It really
means a lot to hear you say that, Seth.”
“In fact, I can’t really help but think I’m in love with you.”
He stood stunned for a moment, but it looked as if a mountain
of weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I’ve been waiting to hear it
from you before I said anything, but I love you too. It means more than
you know to have you be so open with me.”
“If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I could ever have been this
sincere with anyone.”
He walked over and lay down beside me. He took my hand in his.
It felt as if we both had such openness and raw emotion. We were both
helpless to each other, yet I had more trust in him than I’d ever even had
in myself. Nothing I’d ever felt in my entire life was more right than that.
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