GHOST
Poem by Kimmo Matias
Painting by Jennifer Talbot
(title: CaGeD Heart, oil on wood)
Don't you sometimes wish
that you were dead
that it would all be
over
done with
even if it feels like
just another excuse
not to claim back
your life
you know
by the time i was a teen
i had my funeral
all planned out
thirty years later
still here
looking for a door
to that missing coffin
it'll get better
they said
time heals all wounds
they said
bullshit
by the time
i was a teenager
i felt like a relic from another world
a thousand years old memory
of some other extreme
and today
i'm still running after
days of distant past
but even memories die
nothing really lasts
so why should i?
i never pictured
my funeral
with a huge crowd of mourners
weeping after me
it's just that
i wasn't prepared to die
in plain daylight
alone
while trying to look
into your eyes
not a single night
has gone by
without me
feeling
the phantom of
your missing embrace
don't mistake
this honesty
for self-pity
these are just thoughts
pieces of my fractured self
questions
i'm being pushed
to ask