by Gary Stuart
A
s summer approaches in 2016 at record
speed, it’s time to enjoy the outdoors and
nature with friends and food. Many even
go to exotic locations, whether it’s the beach or a
lake, to enjoy what nature has to offer as a balance
to your daily sweat and toil.
As June is always Father’s Day month, and many
do just that (after all May is for mothers), hail the
divine masculine. Being a constellation healing
facilitator for the past seventeen years, I find
myself as an unwitting expert on the complex and
simple dynamics of family systems. I can honestly
say fathers are judged very harshly. “He was
unavailable” being the most common judgement.
Many fail to see he wasn’t home (as much as the
mothers) because he had to go out and make a
living to support and feed his family, and maybe
even came home exhausted before he left for work
yet again. Most fathers support the mother, children,
and the future wellbeing of his progeny. It’s really
not his fault he wasn’t around for the small stuff
and, of course, many fathers weren’t around at all
too. At the very least, there was family time on the
weekends when he was available.
Over the years, I’ve had many clients judge their
father’s in a very narrow and myopic way, which
is pretty selfish. Many times it’s the mother who
fosters the judgements of “him” to emphatically
state “I’m good because I’m here. He’s not as good
because he’s not around.” The common undertone
is the start of a subtle betrayal of the masculine to
show maternal love. Be loyal to mother or else! In
many cases the mother demands exclusion of the
father in a symbolic way to wield her power and
camaraderie with the children. Everybody wants
to be number one. Sometimes, a mother may do
that to take charge of her brood making the father
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