But let’s backtrack a bit. It
wasn’t always smooth sailing.
I’m talking about those preteen and teen years that most
parents moan and groan
about. The push back—really
challenging—years when they
think they know it all and
parents are idiots. Yes, we had
those too.
It is so easy to see the path
our kids should follow. After
all, we have been there, made
the mistakes, and gained the
wisdom. So why shouldn’t they
want our experience to show
them the way?
Many of us parent the way we
were raised. In some families,
you didn’t question your parents
at all. For the easy-going child,
there was never a need to. But
for some children, “I’m the Mom,
that’s why” or “because I told
you” are instant pushback and
frustrating for everyone. The child
pushes back and then the parent
pushes harder, and thus begins
a ping-pong game of sorts until
there is a blow up. Mom and Dad
might win and feels justified, yet
privately aches for the unhappy
child. The child feels angry,
unheard, and powerless.
I came across this quote from
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, clinical
psychologist, author and
speaker, “We are in charge of
our children but not in control
of them.” How do we balance
that with wanting the best for
our children and knowing our
life experience can help them
on their path?
A friend gave me some
parenting advice when my son
was about ten, and it totally
changed our relationship.
Because it taught me how to
empower him. It was the best
advi ce I ever received.
It starts with asking the
child questions, listening, being
present, and creating a safe
space for them. It is about
connecting with them in a
way that lets them know they
have the power to spread their
wings and fly.
Here are the seven things I said
that helped empower my son
be the man he is today.
1. What are your thoughts?
This is a great way to
draw them out and have
a conversation. It is really
important to stay on your
side of the fence or line,
and really give them a
safe space to share. If you
advance too much or too
quickly, they will retreat and
the conversation will be
over. They have to really feel
safe in letting down their
defenses and the trust that
is built is amazingly strong.
2. How do you plan to
handle that?
I admit, the first time I asked
him this question was a
bit unnerving for both of
us. I took a leap of faith by
not “telling” him what to
do. Suddenly, he had the
44 | Eydis Magazine