It was 2002. I was sitting in Starbucks with my team. Before I knew it, words came out of the "leader's" mouth that struck me hard. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was in that instance that I knew, I was done. My time at this "job" was over. I could no longer "work" and minister with someone whose focus was on something that deep down inside, I was so against.
It was 2003. I was crying buckets of tears as my "boss" shared information that left me heartbroken. No, I wasn't laid off or fired, I was just deeply saddened with the way things were going. I was working all the time, giving my all, and here I was left in tears. I was left thinking, is this really what business is all about?
It was 2007. I was the new "face." I quickly became known as the "hard" teacher. I actually made my students work. I actually made them read, write papers, complete their assignments. Before I knew it, I had parents coming against me, telling me I worked their children too hard, that I was being unfair, I ruined their child's opportunity for a scholarship, I didn't like the students, etc. I was left wondering, "What are we teaching children if they don't learn now that they have to work at things? What are we teaching them if we always give them the easy way out? How will they ever survive in the real world?
It was 2012. I disagreed with someone. Because I disagreed, I was immediately labeled as a "religious pharisee." I was cast out.
It was 2013. Harsh words were spoken. I was surprised, hurt and angry. I gave them my all. I gave them my best.
Time after time, year after year, I questioned God. What happened to the 24-year old who was at seminary because she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was calling her to full-time ministry? What happened to the dreams I once held? The mission trips? The speaking engagements? All I ever wanted to do was reach a world with the love of God and yet, year after year, not only was I hurt by the people I thought I could trust, I was deeply saddened by the way these people treated me and others. "God, where are you? This isn't the life I had envisioned for myself."