I’ve learned how to walk away
from people, places, and things
that don’t serve me or don’t
make me feel happy, joyous,
and free.
The most tell-tale sign of a
toxic person is their skill at
making you feel devalued and
feeling that you have to “walk
on eggshells” to not upset
them. It’s a whole thing. But
you get to decide whether
you want to participate in or
not. You do have the power to
be part of it or not.
One of the most interesting
things about toxic people is
their unique ability to make you
think that everything is your
fault—it’s called projection.
Projection is when the toxic
person projects or attributes
bad qualities to another person.
It releases them from being
accountable for their own
behavior and allows them to
ignore their own shortcomings.
There is no reasoning with toxic
people. As a wise person once
told me, “you can’t fix crazy.”
These people are unaware and
unconcerned with how they
impact others and seem to get
some satisfaction from making
other people feel less than.
Perhaps it makes them feel
better about themselves.
We must prevent the mental
and physical effects that toxic
people have on ourselves
because that kind of emotional
stress takes its toll on our
system. A recent study
at a University in Germany
found that exposure to toxic
people causes a massive
stress response. Whether you
are subjected to constant
negativity, abuse, or just plain
crazy behavior, toxic people can
stress you out. And of course,
they will say it’s you.
Here are some tips to manage
the toxic people in your life:
1. Realize that you cannot
change anyone else’s
behavior, only your
reaction to it. Once you
establish a plan and set your
boundaries, you can control
your reaction to the toxic
person. If you have a plan
in place to deal with them,
focus on the plan instead of
their behavior.
2. Empower yourself. You are
actually in control. It may
not feel like it, but you can
choose not to be involved.
The toxic will never back
out of a fight. Know that the
toxic people are irrational
and you can’t win. It’s more
important to be happy than
be right. Walk away.
3. Set boundaries that
you enforce. There is a
difference between being
a good friend and being
sucked into the black-hole
of negativity. Ask the toxic
or negative person how
they are going to solve their
problem. Are they looking to
complain about it or solve it?
4. Toxic people love to have
“pity parties” to draw
attention to themselves. You
don’t need to attend every
party you are invited to.
5. Recognize that the
individual is toxic
and make a plan for
disengaging from the
interaction. Toxic people
are predictable. Plan for
chaos. Focusing on how
crazy they are gives them
power over you. So l et them
do them and you do you.
6. Do not let the toxic steal
your happiness. You are
(probably) a good person
who deserves to be happy.
Remember, the things a
toxic person says about you
are most likely a reflection
of their relationship with
themselves and has nothing
(at all) to do with the truth
about you. Your self-esteem
comes from within you, that’s
why it’s called SELF esteem.
Even though I’ve used it literally
twenty-two times in this article,
I absolutely hate the word toxic,
but I am happy to help you on
your journey to dealing with the
toxic people in your life.
Laura Solomon lives
in West Bloomfield,
Michigan, with
her husband and
their nine children.
She is the author
of “Normal Life”,
available on
Amazon. Read her blog at
thereview52.blogspot.com.
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