JOY FEELINGS MAGAZINE January 2016 issue | Page 65

In most other areas in life, we recognize that you need to prioritize
your problems and deal with them separately. It only makes sense to
do the same with your fights. Before you tell your loved one
something along the lines of "For the love of crap, could you please
do the dishes for once?!" you may want to make sure you're not one
of those irrational people that make productive discussions difficult.

How Do I Get Out of an Argument with an Irrational Person?
Dear Lifehacker, How do I deal with someone who's completely
irrational? Every time we…Read more
When you're angry and aimed at your loved one, that's the worst
time to start airing your grievances (save that for Festivus):
For instance, Dr. Lerner mentions that in order to address
grievances or differing ideas of what to do about an up-coming
dilemma, couples need to take a calming break from talking
together if either or both are getting emotionally heated. As she says,
“Anger is an important emotion” but “when tempers flare our
capacity for clear thinking, empathy, and creative problem-solving
go down the drain…” Discussions are far more likely to prove
productive when both parties are calm enough to be open to hearing
the other person’s perspective, and to be able to express their own
concerns without finger-pointing.
Of course, being frustrated and venting anger is all normal (though
continually ruminating on your problems without doing
anything can just make you angrier). Accepting that your emotions
are a real thing that need to be dealt with and distinct from the
subject of your actual argument sets the stage for resolution.
Joy feelings mag

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