Jewish Life Digital Edition September 2015 | Page 64

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EPIK .COM

WIT

BON MOTS AND RIB TICKLERS

NOT A BIRD-BRAIN
Moishe decides that he wants a pet. Going into the
local pet shop, he’s quickly attracted by the bright
plumage and poise of the three parrots.
Pointing to the first, he asks the Jewish pet store
owner, “How much for that parrot?”
He is stunned by the reply: “$500.”
“What could possibly make that bird be worth
that kind of money?” he wonders aloud.
“Well,” explains the owner, “this parrot knows
the entire Tanach by heart!”
Sure enough, they say the first three words
of a number of biblical verses, and the parrot
flawlessly completes them!
The fellow expresses his amazement, but, noting the

THE TWO SONS

Rachel and Leah were talking about their sons, both of whom
were serving prison sentences.
Rachel says: “Oy, my son Michael has it so hard. He is locked away
in maximum security; he never even speaks to anyone or sees the
light of day. He has no exercise and he lives a horrible life.”
Leah says: “Well, my son David is in minimum security. He
exercises every day, he spends time in the prison library, takes
some classes, and writes home each week.”
“Oy,” says Rachel, “you must get such nachas from your David.”

stiff price tag, points to the second parrot and asks
the price. He’s even more astounded when he hears:
“$2 000!”To explain the steep price, the storeowner
continues, “This parrot knows the entire Talmud by
heart – with the commentaries of Rashi and Tosafos!”
Twenty minutes of testing follow, with the parrot
responding precisely and correctly about even the
most obscure Talmudic subjects!
Deciding that two grand was out of his price range,
the customer pointed to the last parrot, hoping for a
reasonable buying price. “Oh, that one? He’s $5 000.”
The customer exclaims, “What can this bird
possibly know that could even remotely justify that
outrageous price?!”
“Well, we really aren’t sure what he knows,” admitted
the store owner. “But the other two call him ‘Rebbe’!”

Growing Old Gracefully

Hannah lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and was
having lunch with a bunch of her friends, all in their thirties,
all unmarried. Soon the conversation turned to the dismal
prospect of growing older.
“Well, judging by my mother,” Hannah said, “there may be
some benefits.”
“Really?” said her friend Sarah. “Name one!”
“Well, over the years, my mother’s hearing has improved.
From a few thousand miles away she says that she can hear
my biological clock ticking!”

TEXT: COMPILED BY LIZ SAMUELS; PHOTOGRAPHS: BIGSTOCKPHOTO; FREEPIK.COM

WIT & WISDOM