Jewish Life Digital Edition September 2015 | Page 38

ROSH HASHANAH 5776

ADDICTION
Recognising the problem and finding a solution

I BY ELIANA CLINE

I WAS ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK. IT’S MORTIFYING
to admit this, but it happened unintentionally. It all started in July 2014, when
the war in Israel was happening. I would
check it regularly to see updates. And then
a few weeks later my son was born and I
was suddenly thrust into the exhausting
routine of taking care of a newborn who
would not sleep. My days were a blur, and I
had little contact with the outside world.
Being up trying to soothe my baby from
11pm to 5am was overwhelming and isolating. So, while doing these night shifts, I
would find relief online. I would read the
news, and check my Facebook account.
Even as he settled down into a manageable sleeping pattern, the habit was cemented. I would wake up in the middle of
the night and use my phone to check the
time. My fingers would automatically
open my Facebook account and begin
scrolling down the page. It didn’t take
longer than a minute or two, but it was
now taking over my life. Suddenly, when I
was in the checkout line, or at a party, or
in a doctor’s waiting room, I had the uncontrollable itch to check my Facebook
page. It was impacting my life negatively;
I was distracted from my children and
husband, and praying took a backseat.
I was very conscious of this consequence, and made several attempts to
break the habit. I would resolve firmly not
to log in, but within a few days, my resolve would evaporate. I would try and
justify it: Just once… I need to see how
my friend who gave birth is. I need to

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check the latest parenting group posts.
What if I missed something important?
But I was not ready to deactivate my account completely, as it was useful professionally and personally.
Rosh Hashanah was fast approaching,
and I wanted to make a change. I wanted
to do something small, but something that
would be manageable and meaningful. I
knew from past experience that taking on
huge commitments was a recipe for failure.
And suddenly, a few hours before Rosh Hashanah eve, I had an inspiration. In the
mad rush of dressing the children, preparing meals and getting ready for shul, I
turned to my husband and
asked him to change my
Facebook password, so only
he would know it. I entered
the New Year feeling confident that I had made a real
change.
Three months later, I have seen remarkable benefits
to my decision and
learned important
lessons about how
to effectively break
bad habits:

BE HONEST
ABOUT THE
PROBLEM
It took weeks until I admitted to myself that there
was a serious problem. Until then, I told myself it

MAKE IT MANAGEABLE

The obvious solution would have been to
deactivate my account, but I was not
ready or willing to disconnect myself in
this way. While potentially addictive, it
adds value to my life. I can reconnect with
old friends, keep in touch with friends living on different continents and be informed of events in the community. By
coming up with a realistic solution that
wasn’t ‘all or nothing’, I was able to find a
constructive balance.

GET HELP FROM OTHER PEOPLE

While I had made numerous commitments
with myself to curb my usage, they didn’t
last. The mind’s power for self-justification
is devious and vast, making it far too easy
to slip back into bad habits. Bringing my
husband on board was just what I needed.
Since he is at work during the day, the only
time he can open my account is in the evening or on the weekend. The result: long
periods of time where accessing Facebook
is just not an option, with the payoff that
it doesn’t even enter my mind.
And with this seemingly minute change,
profound things happened. At first, I
would make sure to log in at
least once a day. But
then, slowly, Facebook
started losing its allure. I would log in every day or two and see
how little I’d actually
missed out on. Fifteen
minutes every couple
of days spent checking
out interesting articles
and connecting to
friends proved to be
enough. I didn’t feel deprived or disconnected.
And I found I had more
time for prayer and was able
to be truly present with my
kids, while choosing to use
this resource in a way that added value to my life, rather than
making it a burden. JL

PHOTOGRAPH: BIGSTOCKPHOTO.COM

Facing up to an

wasn’t so bad, that it was just for a minute or two.