Jewish Life Digital Edition September 2015 | Page 110

SERIES

PROJECT SHALOM

An opportunity
FOR GROWTH

It’s the time of year for working hard… on ourselves

THE MONTH OF ELUL THROUGH THE SEASON OF
the Yomim Tovim that culminate with
Simchat Torah represents a time of special opportunity to renew closeness in our
spiritual, emotional and relational life.
Every moment of life presents us with
choices. It is the choices we make that
shape our experience of life. The world we
create in the process is a mirror of our accumulated choices. How we decide to direct our thoughts, feelings and actions
shape both our own inner and outer
worlds. People prefer to believe that our
experience is “caused” by others or forces
outside of our control. This belief is an
obstacle to personal empowerment and to
getting our lives on a healthy track. People tend to engage in children’s logic
when it comes to looking at their own
flaws and shortcomings. The narrative
goes something like this: “The whole fight
started when he hit me back.” This is like
saying if you were not so flawed you
would see that I am in fact perfect. This
self-centred approach gets in the way of
experiencing true closeness and deep authentic connection.
If we wish to reclaim the connection and
deepen the closeness to our own inner
world, to the important others in our lives
and to Hashem, we need to analyse and become mindful of the ways that we get in
our own way. I invite you, through a process of self-examination, to put your relationships back on an optimal course. This
process should ideally be done slowly over
time. In so doing, you’ll rediscover your
potential by identifying the obstacles you
put in your own way, as well as the ways
that you hold yourself back. You may wish

106 JEWISH LIFE ■ ISSUE 88

A GOOD RELATIONSHIP IS ONE WHERE EACH PARTY
RECOGNISES AND APPRECIATES IN THE OTHER THE
QUALITIES OF CHARACTER AND VALUES THAT EACH
PERSON HOLDS DEAR.
to spend a day or even a few days on each
question. If you find yourself unable to answer any of the questions, or if you think
you may be bluffing yourself then imagine
someone who is in a relationship with you
answering these questions on your behalf.
A good relationship is one where each
party recognises and appreciates in the
other the qualities of character and values
that each person holds dear. For this to

take place, it’s important for each person’s expectations and values to be
aligned with regards to his respective
roles and responsibilities in the relationship. This requires mutual understanding
and being in touch with and responsive to
what each person needs in order to be the
best person he can be in the relationship.
Everyone has strongly held beliefs
about himself and what he offers in rela-

PHOTOGRAPH: BIGSTOCKPHOTO.COM; PORTRAIT: SUPPLIED

BY LEONARD CARR