Jewish Life Digital Edition November 2014 | Page 32

SERIES

THINGS I LEARNED…
While teaching everyone else

PRINCIPLES OR
POPULARITY?

Why do people get married?

28 JEWISH LIFE

ISSUE 79

MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO BE LIKED. WHEN I WAS JUST
starting out as a rabbi, I confess that I really thought everyone would love me. I
mean, I’m a nice guy, right? I’m not confrontational by nature and I like to be helpful. So, what’s not to like? Boy was I naive!
It turns out that no matter how nice a
guy you may be, it’s pretty much impossible to have a good relationship with absolutely everyone in a community. Inevitably, there will be some people with whom
you just cannot see eye to eye. It may be a
personality clash or perhaps some individuals are just downright difficult.
I can think of one particular fellow who I
really bent over backwards to befriend and
be nice to. Yet, every time I tried to make a
pleasant comment to him, I would get back
a scowl or a negative, disparaging response.
Eventually, I gave up trying and just had to
settle with, “Good Shabbos” or “Good yom
tov”, but nothing beyond the superficial. He
has since emigrated, but to this day, I have
no idea what was bothering him.
Then, there are those who will be upset
with the rabbi because from the pulpit he
may have spoken out about a certain incident or controversial communal matter. Everyone loves it when the rabbi really has a
go from the pulpit... as long as it’s about
someone else! G-d help the rabbi who offends his own congregants with a controversial statement. Touching raw nerves can
be very dangerous. Even speaking out on
national, international, or political issues
can be hazardous to a rabbi’s health, as very
rarely will everyone in the audience agree
with his particular political perspective,
even if it is based on sound Jewish tradition
or theology. You’re either too right or too
left. Rabbis have even been accused of being
too moderate! As Margaret Thatcher famously said, “Those who walk in the middle
of the road get hit from both sides.”
So, it appears that ‘you can’t win them all’
is an accurate reflection not only of the life

PHOTOGRAPHS: ILAN OSSENDRYVER

BY RABBI YOSSY GOLDMAN