Characteristically, Benjamin Franklin
put it thus: “Most people return small favours, acknowledge medium ones, and repay greater ones – with ingratitude.” Or,
as the old Yiddish proverb goes, “One
mother can look after 10 children, but 10
children cannot look after one mother.”
Surely, that is the ultimate ingratitude.
This is an area of the ‘people business’
where rabbis often struggle. Over the years,
I’ve heard complaints from many of my colleagues on this subject. Why is it, they ask,
that the very people who they have helped
the most often turn on them? The same
people who should appreciate them forever
suddenly find cause for a faribel, or worse.
Believe it or not, rabbis are human too.
They, too, can feel quite heart-sore that
those whose lives they helped transform for
the better – whether materially or spiritually – have now found fault and rejected
them, leaving their shul or their shiur.
In my book, From Where I Stand, I tell
the story of the great Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, 1762-1839), who apparently had helped someone in his community by resolving a huge problem that
I RECALL HEARING MY OWN ZAIDA ONCE SAY
ABOUT SOMEONE, ‘WHY DOES HE DISLIKE ME SO
MUCH? I NEVER DID HIM ANY FAVOURS!’. HOW SAD,
BUT HOW TRUE.
was burdening him terribly. Afterwards,
the man said to him, “Rabbi, you literally
saved my life. How can I ever repay you
for your kindness?” The Chasam Sofer replied, “I’ll tell you how. One day in the future, when you think that I have wronged
you and you are so angry with me that
you want to pelt me with heavy rocks,
please remember this day and, instead,
throw only small pebbles at me.”
It sounds so cynical, but the Chasam
Sofer understood human nature all too well.
Who knows how many times he himself
had experienced such ingratitude before?
As a child, I recall hearing my own Zaida
once say about someone, “Why does he
dislike me so much? I never did him any
favours!” How sad, but how true. As a kid I
didn’t really understand what Zaida was
saying. Today I understand it all too well.
So I learned that ingratitude can be one
of the less admirable character traits in
human nature. No wonder our ethical
teachers have repeatedly encouraged us to
develop hakoras hatov, a sense of gratefulness and appreciation for all the good
in our lives, whether from G-d or the people around us.
I learned that we should strive to always say, “Thank G-d” and “thank you”,
and endeavour to cultivate and nurture
within ourselves a sense of, yes, eternal
gratitude for all the kindnesses shown to
us by Hashem and by humanity. JL
Rabbi Yossy Goldman is senior rabbi of the Sydenham Highlands N