Jewish Life Digital Edition March 2015 | Page 51

Characteristically, Benjamin Franklin put it thus: “Most people return small favours, acknowledge medium ones, and repay greater ones – with ingratitude.” Or, as the old Yiddish proverb goes, “One mother can look after 10 children, but 10 children cannot look after one mother.” Surely, that is the ultimate ingratitude. This is an area of the ‘people business’ where rabbis often struggle. Over the years, I’ve heard complaints from many of my colleagues on this subject. Why is it, they ask, that the very people who they have helped the most often turn on them? The same people who should appreciate them forever suddenly find cause for a faribel, or worse. Believe it or not, rabbis are human too. They, too, can feel quite heart-sore that those whose lives they helped transform for the better – whether materially or spiritually – have now found fault and rejected them, leaving their shul or their shiur. In my book, From Where I Stand, I tell the story of the great Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, 1762-1839), who apparently had helped someone in his community by resolving a huge problem that I RECALL HEARING MY OWN ZAIDA ONCE SAY ABOUT SOMEONE, ‘WHY DOES HE DISLIKE ME SO MUCH? I NEVER DID HIM ANY FAVOURS!’. HOW SAD, BUT HOW TRUE. was burdening him terribly. Afterwards, the man said to him, “Rabbi, you literally saved my life. How can I ever repay you for your kindness?” The Chasam Sofer replied, “I’ll tell you how. One day in the future, when you think that I have wronged you and you are so angry with me that you want to pelt me with heavy rocks, please remember this day and, instead, throw only small pebbles at me.” It sounds so cynical, but the Chasam Sofer understood human nature all too well. Who knows how many times he himself had experienced such ingratitude before? As a child, I recall hearing my own Zaida once say about someone, “Why does he dislike me so much? I never did him any favours!” How sad, but how true. As a kid I didn’t really understand what Zaida was saying. Today I understand it all too well. So I learned that ingratitude can be one of the less admirable character traits in human nature. No wonder our ethical teachers have repeatedly encouraged us to develop hakoras hatov, a sense of gratefulness and appreciation for all the good in our lives, whether from G-d or the people around us. I learned that we should strive to always say, “Thank G-d” and “thank you”, and endeavour to cultivate and nurture within ourselves a sense of, yes, eternal gratitude for all the kindnesses shown to us by Hashem and by humanity. JL Rabbi Yossy Goldman is senior rabbi of the Sydenham Highlands N